i am whimsical

2011-06-27T18:15:00.002-04:00

Hi guys! So Danny was bitching about how I never update this blog any more, and when I pointed out that I have a second blog and six MILLION other things to keep up with, he said that I never posted the link to my other blog on this blog. I'm pretty sure he's wrong, (brothers! What can you do!) but I just wanted to make sure you know that while I haven't given up on this guy, I am blogging a LOT more over at:

lovecitron.wordpress.com

It's more design focused at the moment, but I am hoping to transition it into a more personal blog that focuses on one of the most important things in my life, design.

It's harder than you might think, so I might be back here from time to time with a stupid list or some pictures of my dog, but you should definitely check it out!

Love,

Me.

I know it's February..

2011-02-06T16:20:00.002-05:00

But I have been thinking a lot about the things I want to accomplish this year. I feel like so much of my life is out of my control right now; I can't force someone to give me a job (I know, I had two rejections last week... awesome.) I can't make a sweet design firm in Raleigh with openings for junior designers just spontaneously appear, and I can't make enough freelance work to support myself overnight.

I have some plans, but really I would just like to stop feeling so depressed about my current career situation. I am doing some cool stuff, and it just makes me sad that I chose a career that I'm passionate about, but I can't do that work full time. Yet. I hope.

Even though my career is slow to take off, I have a lot of other things going on. I'd like to focus on those this year, and try to stop worrying so much about other things. I would also like to make a list of things that I can definitely accomplish if I want to, and not have to rely on outside forces.

So, I thought I'd make a list of concrete things I'd like to accomplish this year. These are different than resolutions because they are fun, and I probably won't be a better person for doing any of these. However, I'll be a happier person!

Alison's List Of Things to Do in 2011.
(in no particular order)

1) Go On A Cruise. I have never been on a cruise. I like fun and the ocean, so I think it would be a good fit, and an awesome way to go somewhere I've never been before without flying on a ~~death can~~ plane. ALSO they are ridiculously cheap, and I don't have a lot of money, so that works out pretty great.

2) Throw a Grown Up Party for Someone Else. I mean a party with invitations, fancy drinks and appetizers. A theme may be involved. Someone will be honored. Maybe I will make a toast. Definitely I will be wearing high heels and a fancy dress. I already have a situation that I've started planning, and I'm already really excited!

3) Grow My Etsy Shop & Freelance Business So I Don't Need a Job If I Don't Want One. This is pretty self explanatory. I really like doing both of these things, so I think it will be easy and fun.

4) Redecorate My Apartment Like I Want To. I'm super excited to be living with David for a lot of reasons, but one of them is that I will be able to do all the cool things to my apartment that I have wanted to, but always refrained from because I didn't have the space or it wouldn't have worked with a roommate. I love decorating and interior design as a hobby, and I look forward to many hours spent arranging stuff and hanging out at the flea market.

5) Become Better At Accessorizing I love clothes, but I feel like I have maybe three outfits where I look really put together. I'm horrible at jewelry and shoes and all that crap, and I would like to be more adventurous and less sloppy looking.

6) Actually Manage My Money I keep waiting for a job for this one but I should just go ahead and get started so I can stop freaking worrying about it, and maybe buy something fun once in a while.

7) Camp on the Beach I did this once, and it was so fun, so I'd like to do it again.

8) Read Before Bed on a Regular Basis. Instead of sitting in front of a computer and going to bed all jacked up. Books I want to read include the Joy of Cooking and the cool books my parents and brother got me for Christmas that I started but never finished.

9) Organize Everything in My Apartment, and Get Rid Of Everything I Don't Use. I am so excited to do this, because I am a nerd.

10) Walk Caspian Regularly. I couldn't do this before because of his heartworm, but I love how I feel when I walk regularly, and I know he loves it, so I have to stop letting the cold stop me and get out there!

11) Keep a Plant Alive. Preferably cilantro because I love to eat that.

12) Figure Out How To Put Curtains In My Apartment Without Them Looking Stupid.

13) Actually Make Cool Christmas Presents This Year Last year, I tried to make these paper ornaments, and cover them in glitter, and it looked super dumb and I ended up throwing the whole mess out and showing up ornament-less. It was lame. Maybe this year I can do something special and NOT spend the night before Christmas feverishly finishing something up.

14) Make A Family Photo Book. We have so many great old pictures, I want to use my skillz to make something that the entire family can share and enjoy.

Redecorating

2011-02-05T13:03:00.004-05:00

Today, we are painting! I'm really excited about this, because I've been planning a redecoration for a while, and it's finally time to start making it come true.

I was inspired by this

I want things to be simple, and classy, and kind of dramatic, but also a little fun. So, I got this guy, to go on the wall.

This is just the beginning, though.

I was also super inspired by this

All I'm saying is the bathroom better watch out.

Also, lest you think that I am going overboard with the dark dramatic colors and you're going to see 'after' photos that resemble a cave, this is my other main source of inspiration right now.

I love love love bright white rooms, and I think that's what the office is going to be like. I unfortunately can't paint the floor (I think I'd be too scared to anyway..) but I have a vision and it is clean and bright :)

I strongly dislike Mondays

2011-01-31T16:38:00.003-05:00

Here is a photo of me drinking champagne on New Year's, while my relatives hug in the background. This has absolutely nothing to do with the below post, except I was excited on New Year's, and I'm excited now.

So, for the past few days I have been misplaced from my home. This is because we are doing construction, and everything is covered in a fine layer of dust.

Despite this setback, I am so, so excited for these changes to be taking place. I have a lot of redecorating plans in mind as well, so by the time this is all over, it's going to be like A WHOLE NEW BIG GIRL APARTMENT. Complete with a black wall, a dramatic bathroom, and an office.

I love decorating. When I was little, I loved to read Martha Stewart Living, and plan up cool things to do with my bedroom. Now that I'm living on my own, I subscribe to MSL and plan up cool things to do to my apartment. I am incredibly excited to actually do some of them now.

I also have some other exciting news, which is that David is moving in with me! I am so, so freaking excited for this to happen. I've always wanted to live with my best friend, and it just so happens that he is also my boyfriend! We already have so many plans, which include canceling cable and investing in the entire Seinfeld series, a no shoes in the house rule, and a massive trip to Ikea in the near future. Because have I mentioned the insane amount of redecorating that is going down?

Other than that, things have been going okay over here. There is the usual I am never going to get a job and I will die an intern drama, but unfortunately there are no significant updates in that department, other than I juuuust got an email back from a placement agency I emailed in July, with a standard form letter informing me that since I wasn't local to the specific agent I emailed, they couldn't help me but I could find others on their website. Wow, thanks.

Oh! Do you remember that parking ticket that I got? That was in September! After appealing, and having my appeal denied, because as you all remember, I am a horrible terrible person who does not deserve ANY parking mercy, I petitioned, and the week before last I got to state my case before a jury of my peers (I wish I was kidding) and hope that they would maybe be slightly more reasonable than the woman who had previously handled my case.

That was a really fun experience, by the way. First, this lady read her laundry list of complaints against me, and then I got to state why I thought that was crap, and then they told me they'd let me know in 7 to 10 days. Well, long story short, I got $50 knocked off the ticket! HA HA HA. TAKE THAT, PARKING LADY!

I know...

2011-01-25T23:07:00.003-05:00

It's been a while since I posted. I had some big plans for January, let me tell you, but then I did some other stuff.

I have a lot I want to say over here, but it's going to have to wait until I have a free moment to think. I haven't lately! But, I have a list of things I want to do this year, and a lot of big changes coming up. I hope.

Until then, look for me here:

lovecitron.wordpress.com

and

etsy.com/shop/lovecitron

I'm really working hard on trying to get both of those things off the ground, so please look at them! :)

Just in case..

2011-01-15T18:32:00.002-05:00

You ever want to buy me a present, or you were just wondering what sort of things I like..

You can visit me here:

http://svpply.com/iamwhimsical

(this is the best site ever omg I am addicted.)

How can you resist this face?

HELLOOOO 2011!

2011-01-11T16:50:00.001-05:00

Goodness!

If you have read this blog for any length of time, you probably know that I am really into the concept of a new year, and starting fresh, and resolutions, and such. I wanted this year to be a doozy, too. I have read the Happiness Project (by Gretchen Rubin - go get it!) twice now, and I wanted to start my own happiness project. What I like the most is that she tries to appreciate the every day, and find more time for fun in her normal life. I had a list all mapped out, and it was going to start with a big re-organization of my apartment, and my computers etc etc.

Unfortunately when I came home from visiting my family for the holidays, they sent a nasty cold along with me. I spent most of the first week of 2011 with a swollen, leaking face, and a foggy head.

I think that's pretty typical for my life.

Fortunately, that is pretty much over, and I am filled with a renewed zest for life. I even made new year's resolutions! They are a little simpler than previous years, but I am okay with that:

1. Continue eating healthfully and cooking more at home. I've been trying the 4 hour body diet, and I am really enjoying it, seeing good results, AND cooking more. It's been awesome!

2. Stop worrying about things I have no control over.

3. Take more risks.

4. Every time I see a downside, also see an upside. For example: If someone does something I don't like, I also have to think about something I do like about them.

5. Laugh more.

6. Take Caspian on more walks.

7. Document my life more. I love looking through photos, but I'm terrible at taking them, or writing down good things that happened that I want to remember.

That's it!

Happy Holidays from me to you.

2010-12-22T23:55:00.004-05:00

Because let's be honest, I probably won't be blogging again until well into the new year.
Caspian would like me to wish you all a very merry Christmas. But only because Hannukah is already over.

I really can't believe that 2010 is almost over. I have to say, I'm not sorry to see it go. Although there were definitely some (a lot) of good moments, overall this year was very discouraging for me. I know that I never remember the bad stuff though (like my never ending soul sucking job search........) so instead, I will list out the good stuff riiiiight here:

I graduated college.

I got a dog, who has such an amazing personality, and is currently learning how to hug me. I mean, what's not to love?

I went to California. California! I loved it there! So much, in fact, that I wrote multiple posts about it.

I sort of conquered my fear of flying. As in, I flew alone for the first time, and survived and also didn't break down on the plane like I somewhat expected to. As nothing about that trip turned out the way I wanted it to, I am glad that at least I am a stronger person for it. Kind of.

I celebrated my one year anniversary with David. I still think he is the best.

I started an etsy shop!

I'm sure there are more things that I can't remember right now. I have a condition where whenever I try to list something, all of the things that would be applicable to this list fly right out of my head.

I also decorated for the holidays for the first time ever! Here are some photos:

This is me decorating the Christmas Lamp. We tried to put the lights up around the ceiling, but they fell down and broke, so we felt that this would be a little more appropriate.

This is the apartment fully decorated. It is nice and decorated up in here.

Anyway. I hope everyone reading this has a wonderful holiday season, and I am going to spend the next few days eating a lot of cookies, watching a lot of Christmas movies, and holding a baby a lot. (I am so excited to meet this baby, by the way!)

My hope for 2011 is that it will bring me a few more successes, more laughter, and the opportunity to spend more time with all the people I love most in the world.

Oh yeah..

2010-12-15T17:00:00.000-05:00

I don't think I've mentioned this on here, in fact I know I haven't, but I started an etsy shop. Go visit it!!

www.etsy.com/shop/lovecitron

I also started a blog to go along with it:

lovecitron.wordpress.com

I am mostly doing cards and graphic designy stuff, but I would love it if you checked it out! (I'd love it even more if you bought something, ha ha haaaa :) )

Today was just so typically Monday!

2010-12-13T22:05:00.002-05:00

I woke up, thinking it was a normal Monday.

I woke up 20 minutes later than I would have liked.

My car's check engine light was on, plus another light the manual said means 'go to the dealer.'

When I got to work, nobody was in the office, meaning I had to go sign out a key, which is obnoxious because it is five minutes of writing for 30 seconds of use.

When I got BACK from work, nobody was there again, meaning I had to sign the key out AGAIN.

I found out I didn't get a job I had applied for. That wasn't a big tragedy, but it is still sort of a bummer, you know what I mean?

When I left work, my car wouldn't start. Surprise!

Someone ends up scheduling an important appointment that directly conflicts with something ELSE that I had scheduled.

When I left second work, I spent some time figuring out how to get my car towed. I went to the lot where it was with David, and we sat in his cold car for an hour and a half, even though they said the tow truck would be there 'within the hour'. I called AAA three times, and each time they needed my name, number, address, member number (all this stuff had to be spelled out and repeated), and they told me the tow truck would be there in ANOTHER half hour.

I ended up driving my car to the dealer.

We got to Trader Joe's just as it was closing ( I went in and grabbed my stuff anyway. )

We finally get home, and Caspian is presumably so excited to see me that he drinks a ton of water and promptly throws it all back up.

I think I'm going to call it a night before I burn the house down.

It's like he's always eating the dog equivalent of asparagus: A Caspian Story

2010-11-22T14:05:00.000-05:00

Last night, I had David's parents and my family over for dinner. It was my first time hosting something like that, and I think it was pretty successful. I kept it simple, and my biggest challenge was cleaning up my dirty messy apartment, which took most of the afternoon. (Pro tip: add Worcestershire sauce and hot sauce to your hamburger meat before shaping the patties. It tastes amazing.)

In my cleaning frenzy (David and I only decided to invite the 'rents over that morning, so it was pretty short notice), I may have forgotten to take Caspian out for his evening pee break. He's not on much of a schedule, but seven hours later I guess he was ready to go, as he ran into the kitchen, to the front door, and then peed on the rug.

I felt bad for forgetting about him, we cleaned it up, it was forgotten about.

When he came back in from his pee break, he immediately ran to his water bowl (like, RAN) and drank ALL THE WATER.

Guess who was clicking around and whining outside my door at 5:34 this morning?

Dear Caspian,
I understand that sometimes you have to go, but my sympathy runs out when I watched you drink six cups of water as fast as you could. Also, you were so freaking happy to see me. It is 5:34 in the morning. The sun is not up. I'm cold, and I had to put on pants and go outside so you could relieve yourself for what seemed like forever. This is not a time for celebration. We do what we have to do and then we go inside and back to sleep as quickly as possible. We don't jump around and lift our legs up individually and slam them down so we wake the roommate. We just don't. I know you have a lot of energy right now because you are still on 'bedrest', but maybe don't sleep as much during the day. Because while you are really cute and I love you more than anything, it's hard to remember that when I have to wake up in TWO AND A HALF HOURS, and I can't fall back asleep.

Love,
Alison

My mouth tastes like cheese.

2010-11-03T22:56:00.003-04:00

Hey! It's been a while, am I right!

I promise I have a really good reason.

Here it is.

Lots of super exciting things have been happening lately. I can't really say more than that, but I have spent a LOT of time breathlessly staring at my email and waiting for my phone to ring. It was starting to get really stressful, but finally! Something happened! I am flying to a far away city to have an activity.

Aren't you glad I'm so specific?

I am actually the most worried about flying by myself. I have never ever traveled alone, except this one time that I went to my cousin's house overnight, and I can count the times I remember flying on one hand. And, the last time I flew I had a minor breakdown on the plane because my brother had the audacity to fall into a deep sleep the whole time and it was dark and I was alone and scaaaared. When I got off the plane I vowed to never fly again unless heavily sedated.

So it's ironic that 2 short months after that I do have to fly again. Alone! On pretty short notice! In a situation where showing up drunk or very sleepy would be really, really bad!

For a day I was really stressed out. I kept having fantasies of the plane mowing into the ground, and I'd remember how I felt the last time, and I am making my heart beat faster just describing this. Then, magically, I didn't feel that way any more! I decided that doing this was more important than my fears, and people die every day. That kid died at Notre Dame doing his after school job. People get in car crashes all the time, and that doesn't stop me from driving on the highway. Sometimes, people die spontaneously for no reason at all! Other times, they are murdered! Every day, you can get hit by a bus, choke on your food, slip in the shower, hit your head, pass out with your mouth open and drown, drink too much and die of alcohol poisoning. Brakes fail. Trains jump the rails. Things go wrong.

I know it sounds crazy, but this is immensely comforting to me. I am vaguely stressed out about death all the time. I hate elevators because I'm afraid the cables will snap, I hate national monuments because they could possibly be the target of a terrorist attack, I hate high places because what if I trip and fall off the edge? What's an airplane in this? It's just one more way to die! I cheat death every day. I could step off that plane and be struck by lightening and die. (that would actually be pretty funny, after you get over how sad it is that I'm dead.)

I know I am a paranoid freak, and I am not sure if this is completely going to help me with the airplane thing, but it's comforting to think about sometimes. And if you talk to me, definitely don't try to comfort me by telling me how statistically impossible it is, or how rarely things go wrong, because my mind immediately begins to imagine things going wrong. Instead, remind me how people fly all the time, and give me a big hug and an airplane bottle of vodka. That is the best part about airplanes. The tiny bottles of liquor.

Just, whatever.

2010-10-07T17:00:00.001-04:00

So, I have bronchitis. This is special because I walk around coughing like I have lung rot or something.

It's fall break for some people *cough David cough* and I am absurdly jealous. I can only wish I was on fall break right now, but I am an adult. I don't get a break just because it's getting cold out. I thought when I became an adult I'd have better hair and a better sense of direction, but now that I am one I realize that life isn't fair like that and basically I will always act like an extra-mature 12 year old.

Speaking of adulthood! My birthday is coming up. This is the most magical time of year, birthday month. I told David that some day I would like a surprise party, and he was like well in order for that to happen, you have to not plan your own birthday party. This will never happen. One, because I really enjoy planning parties. Two, because one year I did not plan my own birthday party. I thought that two Certain People boyfriend...roommate... would take care of it, since I had done something special for their birthdays, and they did not. And it was kind of sad. Then I realized that if I need to take ownership of my own fun and the next year I had the most amazing birthday party in the world. and a different boyfriend and roommate. I like this small text.

So! I guess that means no surprises for this girl, but I'm really excited anyway. If I can get my act together, I might even make invitations! Who am I kidding, that will never happen, but I am going to decorate really cute!

I really like this time of year. I love pumpkins, and they are everywhere, I love how spooky Halloween stuff is, I love candy, I love cider.. I love plaid! The weather has been so beautiful lately, and it puts me in a really great mood. My friend Liz is making me go to a corn maze (MAIZE! HAHA GET IT!) and I am super pumped about that, and we are probably going to visit some of David's relatives who live in the mountains, and see all the pretty colors at some point. All of my tv shows are back on, and it's perfect cardigan weather.

I hope everyone else is doing well too. I hope they don't have a deep cough that makes them sound like a man, and I hope that everyone is making it through that treacherous time when you have to have the ac on during the day and the heat on during the evening. Shit gets real when that happens, and don't tell me to just leave my windows open because that is INVITING A RAPIST INTO THE APARTMENT.

I made some sweet chicken soup last night, and I am going to share my recipe here, because it was that good.

You will need:

One whole chicken
3 yukon gold potatoes
3 carrots
a leek. I did not know leeks were so big, but now I know!
some green onions
2 cloves of garlic
lots of parsley
salt and pepper
3 tablespoons of butter
flour (just a little, like a small handful)
Cream

Put the chicken, butter and flour into a pot, and let it cook for a little bit. It's not going to cook all the way through or even get close, just let it get all hot and sizzly. Fill your pot up with water until the chicken is covered (or almost covered, my pot was too small) and boil that sucker until it's cooked and the meat is falling off of the bone. Take the chicken out of the water. Chop up your vegetables. Take all the meat off your chicken bones, and put it back into the broth. Put all the vegetables into the broth. Simmer for at least an hour, maybe 2. It depends on how hungry you are. Before serving, put a splash of cream (a big splash) into the soup.

Enjoy!

It's October Now!

2010-10-03T15:18:00.003-04:00

Just a brief update to let you all know that it is now October, also known as Birthday Month. I know you've all been just as excited as I am for this great occasion, well now it is finally here!

I love October because it is normally the first month that feels like fall. As much as I love summer, I am pretty excited that fall is here. That is because this summer was not really my finest moment, what with transitioning out of school and into working (almost) full time. Let's just say I was cranky a lot. And remember the summer list I made? Yeah, I didn't really accomplish TOO much on that last. The things I did:

2. Go to more bars and restaurants with outdoor seating.

It's true, I did spend a lot more time sitting outside and drinking this summer. I'm finally becoming a regular at my favorite bar! (in a nice, I don't have a problem type of way.)

3. Go night swimming. I love swimming. I love the night.

This one happened once. In a mansion with a hot tub and non-chlorinated pool. So even though it happened once I'm counting it as a win.

5 Consistently go to the outdoor movies at the art museum.

The only times I missed it was either raining or I was out of down. BOOYAH.

6. Enjoy the 4th of July at the fairgrounds. Last year my grandfather died and we had to go to Ohio, and the year before that it got rained out, and I miss the tradition.

Yeah, that was basically the extent of it. It was a good list, too! Luckily, a lot of those things will translate over to fall and winter times as well.

I did some other pretty awesome things this summer that didn't make it onto the list.

(here comes the second list. I love lists.)

1. I adopted Caspian. I talk about him a LOT, but let me just say, he's really the best dog and I have not regretted that decision once. Although, in general I am pretty much a no-regrets kind of girl.

2. I graduated college.

3. I traveled to California, the furthest I've ever been from home.

4. I realized I'm a baby when it comes to flying.

5. I realized I'm a baby when it comes to being trapped on the Golden Gate Bridge.

6. I learned that life goes on after graduating college jobless. I'm actually really not worried about my lack of a job right now. It'll work out!

7. I spent a LOT of time at the pool.

That was pretty much it! That was my summer. And even though I have spent a lot of time whining about how sad it is that summer's over, I am finally ready for fall.

My foot is REALLY asleep. Ow.

2010-09-16T00:03:00.002-04:00

BAD:

Tomorrow, I have to take Caspian to the shelter, and drop him off. He needs to get his heartworm shots, so I have to leave him for 5 hours. I am ridiculously upset about this. I am worried that he is going to think I have abandoned him and die of a broken heart. In 5 hours. I'll let you know how it ends up.

GOOD:

Caitlin and I got cable, and let me tell you, it is amazing. I love being able to watch whatever I want on TV, whenever I want. I get to hold the remote! I get to stay on the same channel if I want, instead of flipping between two shows! I get to record whatever I want on the DVR! There is nobody telling me that I am filling it up!

I think it's time for bed.

Today Sucked

2010-09-14T22:48:00.002-04:00

Today, I walked out of the office to find a $100 dollar parking ticket on my car. I was using a day pass, because I am a temporary employee, but as it turns out, day passes are NOT for employees. In fact, they will charge you a hell of a lot of money if you DARE to use one. Since I strive to be an upstanding citizen of America, I decided I'd pop on over to the transportation office and see what was going on.

That was a big mistake.

While I was there, I first got busted for using a day pass when it OBVIOUSLY state (in tiny red type) that it was for VISITORS only, and then I was sent away to get my boss to fill out an employee pass. The lady in charge of petitions told me that I could maaaybe get my $100 ticket reduced, but she just wasn't sure. Which is bullshit. Because I've never had so much as a warning at this stupid university. When I came back, the same lady took me into a small room, and asked me a lot of questions about my parking pass. Since someone else had given it to me, that was BAD and WRONG and I could have gotten a $100 fine right there.

Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize that when someone bought something, they couldn't give it away to someone else who needed it! I felt like a criminal, and I was about ready to cry by the time I got out of there. I didn't realize I had committed so many parking faux pas(es? 's? how do you pluralize faux pas?) When I told the lady I didn't know what I was doing was so illegal, she was like "Oh, yeah, you can read all about it on the website!" Right, I definitely spend all my free time perusing the transportation website. Those rules just fascinate me!

This is not the worst part.

The worst part is when I called David. He answered, and after asking him if it was a good time, I started raving about my parking experience. I sounded like I was on drugs. I wasn't taking breaths between my words, I kept cursing, and I was still near tears. David made these really weird noises and so finally I said, "what is going ON? You sound so CRAZY!"

That's when I realized that I was not actually speaking to David, but rather to Rich, from *Company*. Poor guy, he was so confused. He told me he was writing everything down but he wasn't sure what he could do to help...?

I apologized a lot, but the way he kept telling me it was no problem makes me pretty sure he thought I was actually crazy.

Oh, well. Today and yesterday have both been pretty stressful. Tomorrow can only be better!

Lazy List

2010-09-09T19:40:00.003-04:00

a) Today was a good day.

b) I had a good day at work, I didn't have to go to second job, and I got to take a nap. Any day I get to take a nap is a good day.

c) I also walked Caspian. He forgot how to walk on a leash for a hot second and tripped me about seven times.

d) I love my new roommate. She's making me dinner, and she brought me beer!

e) Caspian barks at her and her friends. I don't know what to do about that.

f) Tonight I am going to a small pool party in a mansion. I've never been in a mansion before that people actually live in so I am excited. I am especially excited to see the home movie theater.

g) I really hate soffe shorts. I have three pairs from back in the day and every time I put them on, They are plenty short, and they slowly ride up my legs until they are bunched up around my belly button and my butt is hanging out and I feel gross. But I still wear them.

h) This is probably the lamest post I have ever written. I just feel guilty about not posting regularly, especially when that was my summer resolution! (and spring, and new year's and last year's etc etc etc...) I wrote most of another post, but instead of being a funny and wise observation about how the only guys who have flat out asked for my number are touched in the head, it instead sounded like I was complaining about how hot I am. Which I would never do. The world needs smokin hot girls like me to aspire to.

i) The dentist I went to once keeps calling me to see when I'm going to get the $3000 worth of work done on my teeth. Whaaat if the answer was never? My teeth don't hurt THAT bad.

j) Caitlin (my roommate) brought home these ADORABLE owl salt and pepper shakers. I named the salt one Owlbert. Get it! Get it! I can't think of anything equally clever to name the pepper one. Owlvira? That was my grandma's name. Owlison? Can't name it after myself! That's weird. Owlice? Owlaine? Owlden? Owlyssa? Hooey? Hoobert?

..

It is time to end this post now.

Getting Back Into Things

2010-08-19T14:57:00.004-04:00

The thing about coming back from a vacation is that your life keeps going on, even when you aren't there to live it. I always find clarity when I am away from my normal life. I think about what I really want to accomplish in my life, where I really want to be, who I really miss. (Everyone! I love my people!)

Then I get back and I remember that I'm pretty sure I have ADD and I need the perfect storm of events to happen in order for me to really, truly focus. I've been lucky this time, I get to ease back into the swing of things. Even though the easing was a little less easy when SOMEONE (a very furry someone) decided that he needed to jump up and down like a rabbit at five in the morning and then prance around outside and whine until 7.
furry jerk.

This is also a particularly bittersweet week for me, because it is the first week of school. Although I still work at school, and live near school, and date someone who is in school, I'm no longer there. I'm so sad about that!

It amazes me how some of the people I went to school with just packed up and left, and started these new lives for themselves. They aren't so very aware of what's going on back here, and what used to happen. Instead they're working toward the future.

I'm really bad at letting go, and I feel like at this point in my life, everything is transitional. I'm still living where I've always lived, I'm still holding onto the remnants of my school life but everything else is different. A lot of things that I assumed about my life after school aren't happening, and things that I assumed would happen later on are happening now. More specifically, I'm not moving away, I'm not getting a job like I thought I would, I'm thinking of some exciting new projects, etc etc etc... It's becoming harder and harder for me to stay in the moment, to enjoy what I have right now, instead of wishing for the future to hurry up and get here, or wishing things could be the way they were before.

I decided I'm going to try to be more of a right now person. David is extremely good at that. He enjoys what's happening now, while I'm stressing out thinking about the possible ramifications of my actions 10 years in the future, or wondering if I'd just done something differently, maybe things would be better/worse now?

I'm tired of it! Instead, I am going to do things that seem like a good idea now. Nothing is forever, and if something turns out to be a bad idea, I don't have to keep doing it. I think I'd feel a lot more peaceful if I focused on what I have now.

THE END.

San Francisco: A Pro/Con List

2010-08-18T22:19:00.001-04:00

PRO: It is a very dog friendly city. I saw dogs everywhere, in most buildings, and I loved it. So many furry heads just bobbing around, all these little dogs just living their lives! I felt like if I were to move to San Francisco, Caspian would be a very welcome member of my life, and that's amazing.

CON: Such a dog friendly city made me miss Caspian intensely, and turn into a crazy dog lady who would make strange noises at any dogs she saw, particularly dogs who vaguely resembled Caspian.

PRO: There are trolleys everywhere that you can take until midnight. These trolleys are incredibly cool. It was especially cool at night. Our first trolley, we took during the day, and when it pulled up to our stop, everyone SPRINTED to the door and crowded on, pushing and shoving and acting like there were diamonds under every seat for the lucky people who made it on.

I would like to take this moment to talk about the fact that multiple times on this trip, I would just be minding my own business, getting coffee or waiting for a trolley, and all of a sudden there would be this influx of people jostling around me trying to get to where I am. I'm not sure when people stopped learning that if they would be patient and wait just a second I would move away and they too could have the coffee or a spot on the trolley, but I am getting pretty darn tired of it. Someday I might even shove back.

I spent that trip enjoying the view of lots of people's butts, but I am going to let you in on an insider secret: Take the trolley at night. It is really cool, and there aren't nearly as many people. You can just take a whole route. Maybe if you're lucky, when you get off at the furthest point from home your brother will run away trying to find a bathroom, fail, and make you almost miss the last trolley back. Not that that happened or anything.

CON: Sometimes the confusion of boarding the trolley will be too much for certain people, and as you are safely riding away you look back to see your dad standing in the street, shouting, "I THOUGHT YOU DIDN'T GET ON!!!!" No sir, I just didn't follow you into the street through a puddle of fresh puke (by the way, I want to congratulate the girl who puked in the street at 3:30 on a Saturday. You stay classy.) When you get off at the next stop to wait for your fallen comrade, everyone on the packed trolley will laugh at you. You'll hear their laughter as the trolley drives away. Awesome.

PRO: THE HILLS!! San Francisco is THE most beautiful city I have ever been in! They have some crazy hills! You know that part in Inception where Ellen Page like, bends the city up around her. It looks like that ALL THE TIME! Maybe I'm easily entertained, but I thought those hills were the coolest damn thing I have ever seen. Sometimes they have stairs in the sidewalk because they are so steep.

SECOND PRO: When you get to the top of those hills, you have some incredible views on your hands. I've never been anywhere that provides you with SO MANY gorgeous views of the Bay, and mountains, (or hills, whatever) and sailboats and bridges and little houses on hills. It almost gets to be a chore after a while. Oh, here's another amazing view. Guess I have to dig my camera out of my bag and take a picture. God. This is getting old.

CON: Driving up these hills is startling at first. When we first got here we wanted to drive down Lombard Street (the crookedest street in the world) and in order to do that we had to drive UP Lombard Street. Except there was a line, because everyone wants to do this, and just chilling out in your car at a 45 degree angle does not feel natural at first. I got used to it.

PRO: The food. The food out here is incredible. It seems like everything is organic and natural and made with love. I noticed maybe 2 fast food restaurants out here. Some of the highlights include this place called Fumé in Napa which made the best Caesar salad I've ever had, an amazing family owned Italian place called Franchino's in SF, where everyone who works there is related and they hand make their pasta. The third highlight is a burrito that I ate in a gas station, which sounds shady as hell but actually was the best, most authentic burrito I think I've ever had. I'm kind of sad to be heading back to the land of Chipotle and Moe's, now that I know what's out there. Oh, well.

CON: After eating amazing food for two week straight, I feel roughly the same size and weight as a baby elephant. Hot.

PRO: The Golden Gate Bridge. It is a beautiful, unique monument, and to see it in real life is breathtaking. It was fun to play Spot The Bridge when we were walking around, and our whole trip had a focus of trying to see the tops of the bridge, because they were mostly obscured by fog.

CON: This one time we spent three hours on the Golden Gate Bridge. Let me explain. I am afraid of many things, but I am especially afraid of heights, especially open heights. I also do not like being in confined spaces. This makes flying fun. Crowds, especially crowds of tourists, are annoying. Therefore, I will never think that it's a great plan to go hang out on some national monument. My parents think differently, and I think in every city I've ever visited we've gone up in some building to take in 'the view'. I don't care about the view. I care about making it out alive. You cannot convince me that this rickety-ass elevator is going to safely transport us up 1 billion stories and that NOTHING is going to go wrong. I only recently connected the dots on this, since these trips are years apart, and things came to a head on the bridge.

'We' decided it would be awesome to walk across the bridge and back, which is about 3 miles. Okay. I can do that. What I didn't count on was getting up there and freaking out because of the gale force winds, the loooong drop off the side, and the fact that we were walking extra slow. It didn't help that the bridge kind of shook when cars drove by. I was also thinking about death a lot because there every so often there are signs imploring would be jumpers to instead call a hotline and be talked down. That's not grim at all. So, we make it about 3/4 of the way across, and I am on the verge of a meltdown (in my defense, I haven't been sleeping well) and we decide to turn around. As we are walking back toward safety, a police man rides his bike by, booking it.

"That's weird," I thought.

As we approached the second column thing, almost there, I see flashing lights and ropes, and men in fluorescent vests. And then I see a man clinging to the wrong side of the bridge. There's an official telling us to get back, and we cannot cross here. Are you serious? It's a surreal situation, because there are people just watching this guy, waiting for him to fall or climb back over, and we can't get through. All I wanted at that point was to be off the bridge. They told us these things don't normally take that much time, so we decide to wait it out.

OF COURSE, we are still sitting on that bridge 45 minutes later. At this point my panic has gone away because I am never getting off the damn bridge and I may as well enjoy the fact that the sun has come out for the first time all week.

We decide to make the hike back, and get to the other side. Land! It appears to be impossible to cross the bridge. The other side is reserved for bikers only, there are no taxis, and the one tour bus that stopped by demanded 30 dollars a head for the ride back. At this point, I really don't like the Golden Gate Bridge. It is long, and windy, people try to throw themselves off of it, and apparently once you step on, you can't step off. My feet hurt.

My dad gets on the phone with the head of the Golden Gate Bridge police force, and gets special permission to walk across the bridge on the wrong side. I don't know how he gets on the phone with important people, but he keeps doing that. This one time, my dorm appliances were all breaking, and nobody would help me. My dad got on the phone with the head of housing and as I was walking back to my dorm, I could hear people being radioed to get my stuff to my room, asap. ANYWAY.

We ended up walking BACK across the bridge, for a total of 10 miles walked that day. My feet felt like they were going to shatter into a bazillion pieces. Don't wear converses for hardcore walking, that's all I've gotta say. I didn't see the guy on the way back, but I am pretty sure he did NOT jump off. He did, however, totally give me a great story, so thanks bud! Stop doing crazy shit!

OVERALL: San Francisco was amazing. I loved it so much, and I am pretty sure this is the best vacation I've ever been on. It was wonderful to finally see California, and to be able to do all of the things that I did really opened my mind to the world, in a way. I still have more stuff to write about, but knowing me that will come out in bits and pieces over the next few months (or years). If you have the chance to visit, you should definitely go!

Napa Valley + Wine Tastings

2010-08-12T17:00:00.000-04:00

We finally made it to Napa, which is one of my new favorite places in the world. It's so pretty, you guys! There are mountains in the distance, and everything is all desert oasis-y, and there is SO MUCH WINE. There were some amazing meals (I had the best caesar salad of my life), and I got to do some wine tastings.

The first one was at ZD, and I wasn't impressed. Some guy with way too much product in his hair would briefly appear with some wine, (after he checked with my mommy to make sure I was 21… I'm right here! You can ask me too!) The wine was pretty good, but the atmosphere was lacking.

Then we went to St. Supréy, hereafter known as my favorite brand of wine in the world. The first bartender sent us upstairs, and the guys behind the bar up there were incredible. They were super friendly, and they really like wine. I know this because our tasting was supposed to have four different kinds and I maybe got 12. Things get a little fuzzy after a while, but it was all really good, and the free breadsticks were also incredible because they let me drink more wine! I learned that Muscato wine is a delicious dessert wine that is slightly sweet and not syrupy. It is my new favorite kind of wine.

Vacation All I Ever Wanted

2010-08-11T01:05:00.000-04:00

Here we are, a week into vacation times in California! The trip was derailed a little bit because my grandmother passed away. I have a whole post about her coming up, so I'm not going to talk about it a lot here, but it was great to see everyone even though it was so short, and under sad circumstances. I was talking to Alyssa and she was telling me that I needed to blog more, and add more pictures, so this post is for you! I am pretty sure you are my most dedicated reader. You should know that most times I sit down to write I'm thinking about you. Even though there aren't any pictures in this post...

Anyway.

We left Ohio at 3 in the afternoon after my grandmother's funeral, and arrived home around midnight. Then we hopped into bed for a refreshing 3 hours of sleep before it was time to head to the airport!

I'm an incredibly nervous flyer. This is because I can count the number of flights I remember taking on one hand, and I am maybe one of the most paranoid people alive. I have a really vivid imagination, and when I am in stressful situations I like to amuse myself by imagining all of the ways things can go wrong, and then I have to take lots of deep breaths. I'm fun.

I've always been a big fan of airports, because I'm weird like that. I still buy into the 1960s glamour of them, and it's exciting to think of all the people with places to go and people to see. It would make me happier if everyone dressed like extras from Mad Men, to fit my mental image. The flights were luckily uneventful, although I panicked every time we hit turbulence. I was tired enough to attempt sleeping. Every time I closed my eyes, the flight attendants would come slamming down the aisles with their carts, screaming about drinks or some such shit. They aren't alcoholic. Nobody else is getting pumped about these, ladies. At one point they just hung out by my seat for a while, and I opened my eyes and sat up and they were like 'OH LOOK WHO JUST WOKE UP? WOULD YOU LIKE A DRINK?' No. I would like you to hand me a shot of vodka and stop talking so damn loud.

Up next... Napa!

I seriously really don't like Toronto

2010-07-29T18:44:00.002-04:00

This week has been crazy. I am attached to my phone, checking my email every five minutes for...nothing. If you told me I'd hear back from you this week, then STOP READING THIS! GO CONTACT ME! JEEZ. That's been stressful. Caspian woke me up at five the other day because I forgot to take him out before going to bed. I am incredibly impressed at him for patiently standing by my bed and panting in my face until I woke up, as opposed to peeing on the floor. However, it was five in the morning, and I laid in bed for a solid 45 minutes listening to my heart beat like a little hummingbird because there are so many things I'm freaking out about. I can't tell you about any of them.

I can, however, tell you about how I went to the dentist, and the hygienist viciously poked at my mouth for 30 minutes with that little metal thingie, all the while telling me how nasty my teeth were. (Not as nasty as your hand, missy! My gums were swollen ALL DAY and it hurt to touch my teeth together!) After that, they told me that I had two cracked molars. This is because I have a weird alignment because I never had braces. I've been 'grinding and clenching my teeth' in my sleep, and all that pressure has cracked my teeth. Which is nasty. It is going to be extra expensive to fix.

I find this very ironic because this whole 'grinding and clenching' thing (does that sound dirty to anyone else? Just me? Hokay then..) is caused by stress. I am stressed mostly because I don't have a full time job right now. I also won't be able to pay for all of this until I get a job. But it won't be as much of an issue once I get a job because hopefully I won't be as stressed out and I won't grind my teeth into a powder while I sleep. Oh, life. You're funny.

I'm going to tell you another Toronto story, because I am in a vacationy kind of mood right now. I'm going to be honest. Toronto did not do it for me overall as a city. I'm glad I went, eating dinner in the CN Tower was probably one of the most memorable experiences of my life. I had fun with my family, but the locals were not very friendly (or attractive! What's up with that?) and I felt like a lot of my time was spent accidentally playing 'chicken' with people on the street.

The other cool thing about Toronto was that I could legally drink, even though I was only 20! So one afternoon we went to an Irish pub and ordered a round of beers. Mine was Bud Light Lime, which doesn't technically count, but it's one of two beers that I genuinely like. The other kind is draft PBR, which is partly because it's 2 dollars for 20 ounces at my favorite bar. I have a very refined pallet, obvs. Anyway, while we were there it poured buckets for a very long time. We had walked approximately 100 miles away from the hotel, because that is another thing we do on vacation, we walk a whole damn lot, and normally it's all fun and games, but it was RAINY. So when there was a break in the clouds we went for it. We were booking it.

Soon we came to a street crossing. My mom has a thing about crossing the street, because this one time in France she was almost run over, and ever since then she is not messing around when it comes to crossing safety. She normally walks like someone's after her, but has been known to break into a full on sprint while crossing the street, especially if the little red hand begins to flash at her.

This particular street was incredibly wide, and filled with pedestrians. The light turned red, and my parents bolted. The street was also filled with puddles. It was hard enough attempting to keep up with them, and not get shanked by anyone else. My flip flop hit a puddle, and I hydroplaned.

"Whoopsie!" I thought, and then I was on my hands and knees in the middle of an intersection. I didn't know what to do. I looked around to see if anyone else (read: the friendly Americans I was related to) had seen, and saw Daniel doubled over with laughter and attempting to push past all the people to get to me, and my parents' backs disappearing around a corner.

As if that weren't embarrassing enough, NOBODY stopped to help me! In fact, they were annoyed that I was in the way. In fact, one man looked down at me disgustedly and then STEPPED OVER MY BODY to get to the other side of the street. Whatever, Toronto, I hate you too.

Eventually my parents noticed that we weren't there, and I managed to get myself up and walk reaaaallly carefully back to the hotel. Later we shared an elevator with a supposed prostitute and two really drunk girls who had gotten rained on and were generally awesome.

This concludes my Stories About Toronto section. In general: Toronto is full of mean people, they have some neato buildings and yummy food, don't fall down because nobody will help you up, Daniel should wear more secure underthings.

I still feel nauseous every time I think about it.

2010-07-25T22:28:00.003-04:00

We are going on a family vacation soon. And by we, I mean my family. That should be obvious. In honor of this, I am going to share some select stories from LAST summer's vacation to Toronto.

First, a little background. My family is incredibly introverted. I honestly don't think my parents would leave the house, ever, if they could get away with it, and all signs are pointing toward me heading down that same hermetic road. That's why every year we pile into a car and have one to two weeks where we spend EVERY WAKING SECOND with each other, down to sleeping in the same hotel room and being WAY too involved in each other's bathroom habits.

The second problem is that now that Daniel is roughly the same size and weight as a baby elephant, we can't really share a bed any more. I have really little patience for anyone touching my pillow or taking up my sheets, and it's creepy to share a bed with your 16 year old brother! So we peacefully agreed to switch off on sleeping on the floor, which is great except for in Toronto, where the bed was a couch bed and the couch cushions that I had to sleep on were 1/4 of an inch thick and about a foot wide. And the bed was like a meadow, it was so large. I guess you could say I was a little resentful.

Our trip was going great. That morning, I woke up early and walked with my mom to a close by cafe. We enjoyed a nice cup of coffee and were back in the hotel room, waiting for the boys to get wake up. I was sitting on my parents' bed, staring resentfully at my snoring brother. He was sprawled out over his enormous sleeping area, two mint green earplugs poking out of his ears, his tongue hanging out of his mouth a little bit. You know. My mom kindly woke him up, and I spaced out, sort of staring in his general direction but not really seeing him. Then it happened.

He was laying on his side, and sleeping only in his boxers. (Which really dude? Really? You can't even put on a damn shirt? I don't wear pants when I sleep normally, but I extended the courtesy of non-pantlessness while on vacation. It's the right thing to do.) Anyway, he extended all his limbs, and windmilled his way out of bed. At which time I caught sight of something that I NEVER EVER EVER wanted to see EVER in my LIFE. I dove for the pillow, screaming in agony, and my parents came running out of the bathroom all what? what? I could only point and scream more. Daniel glanced down at himself and then said casually,

"What? It's just my left testicle"

JUST YOUR LEFT TESTICLE? That's cool and all, but I am your SISTER. Who is RELATED TO YOU. That's the kind of thing I never want to see, or think about, or even assume you have because it is SO GROSS, and I'm really glad you're proud of your burgeoning manhood and all, but I DON'T NEED TO KNOW.

Everyone laughed and laughed, and somehow I ended up the scapegoat in all this, like it was my fault my brother decided to wake up and flash some junk for his relations to see. Sorry Toronto, but when I think of you, I think of:

"What? It's just my left testicle."

A snapshot of my life

2010-07-15T15:58:00.003-04:00

I am running around my apartment in a sports bra and soaking wet workout shorts. I'm covered in dog fur because I just gave Caspian a bath. He hates me now. I have some food smeared across my face and my only goal in life right now is to get my laundry going. There are furballs the size of my hand EVERYWHERE, and I wonder why my butt is always covered in fur when I leave the house.

I'm going places!

I'm hitting up the pool in a second

2010-07-01T17:23:00.003-04:00

This week has been filled with trips to the mechanic. I got in a car wreck a couple weeks ago, and while my car initially seemed unhurt, we keep finding stuff that's wrong with it.

I also got some polaroid film, and took what is quickly becoming my favorite polaroid.

Look at how angry Caspian appears to be. We had to pick him up and put him on the couch, and he was so annoyed. When we finally let him get down, he joyously ran a lap around the house.

I've been looking at old pictures, and I decided I want to record more of the little moments in my life that happen, because they are most often the best. So hopefully I'll be blogging more.

2010-06-24T13:06:00.003-04:00

I need a purpose in life. For my whole life my purpose was to finish school, and now I'm done with school. I guess my purpose is to get a job? Except there's only so much you can do on that front, you know?

I think by 'purpose' I actually mean 'project.' This is not an open call for people to email me their chore list. I mean something personal and relatively long term for me to work on and care about. I guess I have something to think about this afternoon.

I changed my template!

2010-06-22T20:01:00.003-04:00

It's really girly, and I'll probably change it soon, but I wanted to play with the template changer!

(photo credit by the very talented Maggie)

Two years ago, when I first started looking at apartments, I decided that I wanted a dog. Everyone told me it was a Bad Plan to get a dog at that point in my life, and even though they were probably wrong, I held off. I'd think about it every once in a while but the timing never seemed right, and even though I love Phoebe very much, she was a strong lesson in how difficult owning a dog can be.

As school was winding down, I thought about getting a dog again. I thought maybe I would do it after summer was over and I had a job. Then, David's sister called me and asked if I wanted to take her dog. I did, because her dog is a sweet lovely dog. I was so excited, and I thought that I would have a dog within the next day or so. David's sister ended up not having to give her dog away, but I decided to go to shelter. I was mentally prepared to have a dog, so I may as well look around.

The problem with the shelter is that I want to take all of them home. I didn't see anyone my first visit, but after I got back home, I kept thinking about this dog, Lola. So, on Thursday, I went back to see her. She was way too high energy, and the shelter volunteers told me that she wouldn't do well in an apartment setting. I talked to them for a long time about what kind of dog I wanted, and resigned myself to the fact that I wasn't going to be going home with Lola.

On the way out, someone suggested that I look at Caspian. As soon as he came into the room, I knew he was the dog for me. What I didn't know is that because he had been neutered, I could (and had to) take him home immediately, even though I didn't have any type of dog accessories. I had to leave him to go to work the next day, but he didn't destroy anything, and even though they told me he wasn't housebroken, he's been great about that too.

I'm so glad that I made this choice. People keep telling me that it's a 'big responsibility' (uh, so was college, and I did okay on that...) but really, aside from that dark time when he ate a belt of mine, he is great. He's psyched to see me when I get home, he's psyched when we wake up in the morning, and he has the sweetest personality.

The fact that he is 80 lbs and scares creepy strangers doesn't hurt, either.

SIGH

2010-05-30T01:00:00.002-04:00

I feel really discouraged right now.

I feel like I am spending a lot of time waiting for other people to make decisions that will dramatically affect my life.

I talked with my parents tonight about how I need to stop focusing on one possible solution and stop letting other people determine whether or not I'm happy. I think that will really help, but it still sucks sometimes, you know? I feel like I spend a lot of time working to fix things in my life that I don't like, and then eventually I hit a wall where I can't make it better any more and someone else has to make a move for me to reach my final solution. And it is the worst when that person drags their feet or is uncommunicative or decides they've changed their mind.

I feel tonight I realized that I don't have to just sit there and wait for that, I can be making back up plans and figuring out how I can be okay with what I have, but still.

I wish sometimes I could just decide I want to do something and then it happens, and it's cool, and that's the end of that.

Things I have done since Friday, when I came down with this cold from hell:

2010-05-25T22:04:00.002-04:00

Went to bed at 11:27, which is record breakingly early for me.

Watched:
3 episodes of the Office
4 episodes of Scrubs
4 episodes of Lost
1 episode of 30 Rock
The Importance of Being Ernest
The Breakfast Club
SNL, the Betty White episode.

Slept for a total of
48 hours. (this includes naps, aka mini hibernations)

Went to Wal-Mart and bought tissues.

Used up the entire box.

Had lots of people think I'm crying.

Read most of a book.

Whined a whole lot.

Ate cookies.

I'm excited to get back to doing stuff tomorrow.

On Endings

2010-05-03T17:41:00.001-04:00

, originally uploaded by i am whimsical.

(Alternate title: Let me be fruity for a second, jeez)

Today was a strange day for me. It was my final exhibition for my studio class, which means that as of now I am officially finished with studio. I have one more exam left ( it's the last day of exams in the last time slot...awesome!) but for all intents and purposes I'm pretty much finished with college.

I remember getting into college. The letter came in the mail, and all summer it was so exciting to plan for how I was going to fit my life into a tiny dorm room with one other person, and to think about all the people I would meet, and the experiences I would have, and the person I might become on the other side.

I remember the first year leaving seemed like such a tragedy. That some day I would be forced to leave this place that had opened up my world, where everyone was going through the same thing I was, and something exciting happened every day.

Now I am finished. (Well, I guess if I don't pass this final exam I won't be, ha ha haaaa). It's a bittersweet feeling. I've made some friends who I am certain I'll be friends with for a long time, and I've learned a lot about how people work. I will be honest, there are some people I'm excited that I never have to see again. Overall, it was a positive experience, and I like the person I am now, and I am pleased with the education I received, so I'm certain it was worthwhile.

What's scary now is looking into the future. I have no idea where I will be in six weeks, six months, six years. My entire life has followed a set plan, move on to the next grade, go to college, now...? The little old lady part of me is VERY UNCOMFORTABLE with all this uncertainty and change and upheaval, but a much larger part of me is increasingly comfortable with all the opportunities I see in my future. I get to make the decisions now! I am free to live wherever I like, get whatever job I want (provided they want me) and apart from any coworkers I may have, I get to choose the people I surround myself with. I will finally have the chance (read: money) to travel, and I will have the free time to do the things that I want to do (like read, or screenprint, or WHATEVER. IT'S UP TO ME!) I have a lot of hope for the future.

So, bye college. We had our differences but I think we made it work in the long run, don't you? I'll always remember you fondly.

On Plans

2010-04-11T13:52:00.003-04:00

I don't have any plans this summer. Or this fall.

As far as I'm concerned, May 16th is a big black hole in my life.

I am really not comfortable with this. I know, it's exciting and new beginnings and fresh opportunities blah blah blah but dude. I'm not going back to school in August. EVERY AUGUST I CAN REMEMBER I'VE GONE BACK TO SCHOOL.

Because this is freaking me out, and because I can't make any solid plans really because who knows what's going on? Not me! I am instead going to make a list of things in Raleigh I want to do this summer but I haven't as much as I wanted to, either because I lacked friends or money or a driver's license that proved I was 21.

RALEIGH LIST

Go to a Durham Bulls game. Maybe more than one. I'm not a huge fan of baseball but I like to do stuff like that.
Go to more bars and restaurants with outdoor seating. I love that crap.
Go night swimming. I love swimming. I love the night. I hope this happens multiple times.
Drive to the beach and catch the sunrise. (It's not technically Raleigh but still local and still funsies)
Consistently go to the outdoor movies at the art museum.
Enjoy the 4th of July at the fairgrounds. Last year my grandfather died and we had to go to Ohio, and the year before that it got rained out, and I miss the tradition.
Paddleboat at Falls Lake. So fun, and so cheap.
Ride the merry-go-round at Pullen Park. I understand that I am an adult and merry-go-rounds are for children, I just don't care.
Go to the cool drive-in movie theater in Durham that David keeps talking about.
Go to RALEIGHWOOD! THE COOLEST MOVIE THEATER IN RALEIGH! You can enjoy a nice meal while you take in a show! (aka super ghetto food in a really old theater ah ha haa)
While I'm on a movies kick, go to the Rialto and drink a beer while I'm watching my movie.
Eat at Lilly's pizza lot more.
Go to First Friday every first Friday.
Go to the airport and watch the airplanes take off. Zoooom!!
Go to Emerald Point. Sort of skeezy but really fun.
Successfully grow herbs in my backyard. If i could start some sort of cilantro and basil farm, I'd be a very happy camper.
BEACH CAMPING! AGAIN!
Sit on a roof and watch the stars

18 is a nice even number to stop at. Hopefully I'll be adding more all summer long.

Hey guys!

2010-04-04T14:20:00.002-04:00

So it is Easter and I am hanging out in a coffee shop just chiseling away at the massive amount of homework I have going on. It is also my parent's anniversary, and I'm wishing I could just go home all day, but unfortunately that's not going to happen.

It's weird how close graduation is. We are making plans for the days leading up to it now, and it's something that can be counted in weeks (6, to be exact) as opposed to months. I have to get on designing my invitations (I am going to screenprint them and they are going to be BEAUTIFUL)

I've been looking for jobs, in between the suddenly completely unbearable amount of homework I have,(and the sudden and very welcome upswing in my social life) and while I wouldn't say it's been completely fantastic, it's been interesting. I'm not very stressed out about it. I know I need a job, and I'm doing everything I can, and I could get by until the end of the summer if I had to. The thought of not knowing what's going to be happening in my life in August doesn't scare me any more. I am ready for some sort of change, and it's exciting not knowing what it is. All I can do is keep looking away, and hope that something comes of my persistence.

It's been on my mind a lot lately, because for a long time I thought of graduation as the end of everything fun, EVER. You are not allowed to do cool things after you graduate, it is the rule, and even though I know a whole lot of people who graduated college and still appear to enjoy their lives, it depressed me to think of this time in my life ending. I was out on First Friday, and I met some fairly recent graduates from the College of Design who had this killer typographic exhibit, and it was just so inspiring. Even if I get a really lame day job, I can still do awesome things at night, and maybe if I'm really lucky, I'll have an awesome day job that will just inspire me!

I've also been able to clarify what I want out of a job a little bit more. My current internship has me constantly making things and while I don't have a ton of time to devote to each project normally, I really like it that way. It's like, I have a personal standard that I strive to reach with each project, and with each quick project I am honing my craft and becoming that much better, even if I don't personally feel the project was that successful. I really, really want that in my next job.

Anyway, that's what I've been thinking about recently in between reading (or skimming, if we're going to be completely honest) 700 page books to write an essay on, staying up until 6 in the morning in the library designing type, memorizing around 100 works of art by title, artist, date and style (Caravaggio Baroque anyone?) for a terrifying art history exam (that I got an A on, holler!) designing some really cool posters and t-shirts for work, going to the beach for the day (and sleeping so hard that I woke up with drool all over my towel, I sure am cute!) going to David's little brother's band's concert, hitting up first Friday, staying out late to hang with friends and drinking massive amounts of coffee. This week doesn't look like it's going to ease up, but this week also will include me going to see my favorite band in the ENTIRE WORLD live and in concert, a life goal of mine, so I'm down.

How have you been? Send me an email (alison.citron@gmail.com) or call me or something!

I hate the word 'rambling'

2010-03-10T15:08:00.002-05:00

I was talking to my younger brother yesterday. He participated in a tennis tournament last weekend, and he was feeling discouraged because he didn't do so well. So of course, we ( and by we I mean my family) were all trying to get him to keep up a positive attitude, and not be totally unmotivated just because he didn't do well in one tournament.

That got me thinking about how I think just doing the work is half the battle. I really like instant gratification. I think everyone does, probably. Well, I guess I've never heard someone say that they'd rather work really hard for a long time to get results. I also like to feel like I've been working hard for my results. Just not for a very long time. I think it all comes back to when I was younger, and into ballet, and my dad sat me down three nights in a row and we watched Rocky I, II, and III. He finds inspiration from the workout montages. I get that, because I do too, in a way. I like the parts in the corny movies I watch, where some kicky music comes on, and the protagonist starts working out really hard or waxing things and brushing her hair (in the case of makeovers) or sitting at a desk and writing a bunch of stuff.

I would like my real life to be like that too. I sit down somewhere, and my own personal achievement soundtrack will play (for the world to hear!) and five minutes later, BAM! I have reached all of my goals. Like, I want that to happen in the span of five minutes.

As it turns out, in real life sometimes you don't get visible results for a long time. You work really hard and nothing happens. ( I am making some really deep observations today. Don't be too impressed guys. It just comes to me!) It is really hard for me (and I am guessing for Daniel, too, although isn't it great how I made this all about me? It's so great! I love having a blog!) to keep working on stuff if I'm not seeing progress.

I've realized that for me, sometimes I need to set a goal, and then kind of forget about that goal and focus instead on the smaller things I achieve. Eventually if I continue to chip away at something, I'll get results. I have been consistently working on being a better designer for four years now. Because I've been in college, majoring in design. You know. Even though it's a small community, I haven't gotten much support from my teachers, and getting internships/jobs has been challenging at best. I get discouraged a lot, because I feel like maybe I'll never be a rockstar designer, and maybe I'll never be a favorite, or be popular among my peers. But I think that what's more valuable than that is that I'm learning to work through the bad times as well as the good. Even when I feel like I suck, I usually work for an hour or two AT LEAST, and I hope that will serve me well. I'm extra persistent now because a LOT of people have told me no for internships I want, or opportunities I'd like to pursue. I've learned to trust my own judgment, and I'll always strive to be better.

I've been thinking a lot about what I've learned from college in general, and design school in particular. It's been fairly sudden, but I think I'm ready to leave. I'm ready for a new adventure.

And I still really hope that some day, someone will follow me around with a camera for a couple of months, and make an inspiring montage featuring me. That would be super cool.

What upppppp

2010-03-06T12:36:00.002-05:00

Hello everyone,
It has been a while since I posted here. I think this is because I was not prepared for the onslaught of work that I've been dealing with. I'm not quite sure how after taking mostly 18-hour semesters, my last one is one of the busiest, but there ya go. It's not just fun design busy too, it's things like American History group presentations, where my group wants to perform a skit. (A SKIT! It took everything in my power for me to not be like oh hell no. But seriously.) The good news is, I am almost done with my portfolio, as in it will be presentable by my standards this weekend, if not today. The great news is spring break is not this week but the next one, and I will be traveling down to sunny Florida to sit on the beach and read books for a solid week straight.
So I've got that to keep me going. (TO THA GYM! ba-dum-chhh)

Love,
Alison

One of those lame photo posts

2010-02-16T21:07:00.003-05:00

(snow!!! It snowed!! I took a lot of pictures of David in a parking lot!! I am an excellent girlfriend, blinding him with the flash in slippery conditions like that!)

Hey everyone! It’s been a month since I’ve posted anything! I bet you thought I was dead/forgot about this! Nope!

I have just been incredibly busy, that’s all!

I’ll stop using exclamation points now.

In the last month, I have been swamped with:

Schoolwork(including studio)
My job
Snow!

School has been incredibly, horribly busy. On top of all of the homework I have, there is also the added pressure to get my portfolio in shape, make a website, find a job, and SUCCEED at LIFE. We can just say that I haven’t been quite as successful at this as I would have liked, and leave it at that. If you feel like emailing words of encouragement, well, that’d be pretty great. It’s discouraging just slogging away at something and not really seeing any results (yet, I hope,) for your work.

My job has been another thing taking up time that I’m not used to. This is not to say I don’t like it, because that is the opposite of what is true. HowEVER, getting used to not as much free time has been a little challenging. Hopefully I’ll be able to show you what I’ve been working on there pretty soon, though, because I am super excited about everything I’ve been doing for my job.

Oh, and it snowed here. Twice! Even though it hasn’t had much of an impact on my daily life, a lot of brainpower was spent being excited about that. Because I am four and still get very excited about snow.

Hopefully I will update again soon, but I can’t make any promises...
So goodbye for now!

David on Valentine's day. My Valentine's day was pretty sweet, David had me over for breakfast, we watched Dexter all day, and then made dinner together. He also got me flowers, which was very exciting.
When it snowed we went sledding at this golf course. The picture does not do the landscape justice, it was absolutely beautiful.

I went to a basketball game with Daniel. We sat up near the ceiling. My team also lost... Hopefully the next game we go to will work out a little better..

So..

2010-01-16T14:04:00.002-05:00

I chopped it!

I really like it so far, except it does this weird poofy thing by my face when it's air dried, and the man who cut it just told me that maybe my hair 'isn't meant to be short', which of course I took as a challenge so WHATEVER, I WILL MAKE IT LOOK AWESOME.

This week was insane. My classes were crazy, the amount of books I have to buy is a little frightening (let me just say I have spent more on books this semester than I think I did for my entire college career combined). My studio class is twice as large as it normally is, which means we are all crammed in this studio that is equipped for half the amount of people, and our teacher is forced to be crazy-organized to deal with us all. We have started out with a portfolio audit, which has left me realizing just how much work I am going to have to do to be remotely employable, and that is a little nervewracking. Also, along with walking everywhere again, I've been doing all of these weird exercises for ballet and other stuff, and I've been sore in muscles I didn't know I had every day this week, which is majorly messing with my sleep.

But, it's been good. I've come to realize that all of the running around and freaking out is something I actually like. I don't think I want a life right now where I stay in the same place all day, every day, and I come home at night and just go to bed. I see so many people and do so much in one day. It's so fulfilling.

That's not to say I'm not going to enjoy the pants off of this three day weekend.

Before I go be productive again, let me tell you an anecdote from last night. I was at my favorite coffee shop with some of my favorite studio girls, and we were just talking and catching up. The coffee shop was playing fun 1950s sock hop type music, and it was a really great, relaxed atmosphere to spend a Friday night. I have a habit of sitting on my hands or sort of squeezing them between my knees, and at one point I put them on the table, and my one friend said, "Alison, why are your hands blue?!" I didn't really care at first, but they all flipped out and I realized that blue hands is probably a sign of no circulation/YOUR HANDS ARE GONNA FALL OFF. I started to freak out too, and even though my hands weren't cold, my feet were and I was kicking off my shoes to see if my toes were blue too, and we couldn't understand what was wrong with me, until I realized that my pants were jeans. From Old Navy. That bleed dye. And then I couldn't wash it off, and my hands were blue for the rest of the night.

On fear, and the acceptable window for making New Year's Resolutions

2010-01-11T09:11:00.001-05:00

Today my mom was looking through old pictures, and she said, "you looked really cute with bangs.." One thing led to another and I am thinking about chopping off this:

(ignore the stupid look on my face, focus on the hair, people)

to this:

(except with more of a bang thing going on)

The general consensus is that it would be cute and I should go for it, but you guys, I am so scared. There is not really a logical reason for this fear, other than it would mean chopping off six to seven inches of my hair (I think) and it would be a really big change. I think probably a positive change but then there's always the possibility I would NOT like it, and WHAT THEN??

David and I were in the grocery store the other day, and he was talking about getting a pet mouse and I said "ew" and he said what, you don't like mice? and I said "I am scared of them," and then he said that I am scared of everything. Which I am pretty sure he was kidding about, but what if I am scared of too many things? If I can't cut my hair, what is going to make me move somewhere new, or do something I've never done before, if I'm too chicken to do something so completely foolproof as get some hair cut off? It grows back.

So I have a late addition to my resolutions. Do things even though they scare me, no, especially if they scare me.

If you have any suggestions as to things I could do, I am open to hearing about it, unless it involves rats or snakes because I am sorry that's not a fear I'm willing to conquer.

Some Questions I've Asked Myself Today

2010-01-07T16:03:00.002-05:00

Why is there not coffee in my hands?

Why do I have a headache?

How have I already been awake for two hours?

WAIT IT'S 4?!

How do I make this website work?

What is appropriate wear for a one month anniversary date?

Why am I so horribly inefficient today?

Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I'm posting on my blog?

Where has all the money gone?

How do I effectively make Amazon my bitch for screwing me on shipping costs? (note. this has been accomplished.)

Why is my hair doing that weird thing?

Will I ever do this cleaning?

Why does this shower curtain look like someone was stabbed all over it?

I wonder how my mom would react if I asked her to make me a margarita right now?

Does anyone else read questions in a weird valley-girl uptalk voice?

How do they make m&ms? (this one has been bothering me for a while. The candy coating must be warm to coat the chocolate, how does it not just all melt? WHAT IS THIS MAGIC?)

It's a good thing the 5 people who read this are all related to me, because I think the world would get tired of my disjointed ramblings mighty quick.

2010-01-06T18:22:00.002-05:00

My last semester of college starts on Monday. While I believe it is cruel and unusual punishment to make me have a full first week of school after seven previous semesters of class starting on Monday, I'm kind of excited. I love the first day of school, and this is my last first day of school ever. ever. ever. ever.

Oh God.

I had this list of things I was going to talk about, like how my boyfriend and I are working our way through Mario 64 because it's fun and a lot of the puzzles are really stupid/I keep getting the slide music stuck in my head, and how my job is pretty cool, and how I watched the entire first season of Dexter in a very short period of time and it's CRAZYPANTS, and I made this really great Thai soup yesterday that involved a trip to three separate grocery stores. Sadly, I'm so tired I can no longer focus on anything except going to bed....

\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\2.0.1.0////////////////////

2010-01-04T20:19:00.002-05:00

New Year's Resolutions 2010:

1. Take my vitamins. I said this last year too, but the 8 millionth time's the charm, right?

2. Have more fun. I was thinking the other day about how this is really my last semester to be young and irresponsible and just blame it on the fact that I'm in college. Sometimes I don't do things because I think I'd rather lay in bed and watch a movie. So I'm going to start saying yes a lot more.

3. Get a job. I am really freaking out about this one.

4. Take myself out of my comfort zone. People still call me grandma too much.

5. Work on my personal style. I have cool clothes, I don't ever wear them because it's way easier to put on jeans and a t-shirt. I spend a lot of time wishing I looked cuter, and feeling like it's really hard to put clothes together. I think if I put a little more effort into it now, I wouldn't feel that way later.

6. Make more food. Elizabeth cooks meals for herself on a fairly regular basis, and I really admire that. If I took the time to plan meals and cook even like three times a week, I would a) probably save money and b) get to eat delicious things that aren't sandwiches!

7. Be a nice person. Sometimes I am too impatient and too quick to freeze someone out. I am going to try to be more understanding, and more open and friendly.

my mom is going to kill me

2010-01-01T22:48:00.000-05:00

but happy new year's ya'll.

Here's What I Realized

2010-01-01T21:45:00.002-05:00

Last night I was with my family, and we were drinking champagne and playing trivial pursuit and basically ringing in the New Year in the best way possible, and I was thinking a little bit about what 2010 holds for me.

I am graduating college.

I have to get a job.

I might move away from the city I've lived most of my life.

You guys, I have a really specific way I want this to go, and I'm afraid it might not work out and I will be disappointed, which really is more than likely.

I have NO IDEA where I will be next New Year's Eve.

I'm freakin out.

Things I hate

2009-12-30T20:12:00.002-05:00

//being late

//the people keeping my dad from being done with work for today

//cold toes

//the phrase 'bringin home the benjamins'

//the serious lack of ice cream in my life right now

//cary

//hotels

//the fact that there is no coffee in my hand

//the fact that i still have to wait until tomorrow to see my relatives

//my procrastination

//the nightmare i had last night because of too much dexter. that show is too damn good. it MESSES WITH ME.

the end.

i feel better now.

This break has been great

2009-12-29T14:29:00.002-05:00

I've made a lot of baked goods, I've watched a lot of movies, I've done a lot of sleeping, I've seen a lot of family (and I'm going to see more soon!)

But it's nice because I'm kind of excited to get back to my school routine, too. I am so excited for 2010!

(I know it sounds weird but it took me roughly 45 minutes to come up with that not even very exciting blog post. I so need to get back in the habit of writing!)

Looking Back

2009-12-27T12:42:00.002-05:00

I always get really excited for the new year, because to me it seems like such a fresh start, and an opportunity to change all of the things about myself that I'd like to change. Usually by the end of the year I have forgotten what my resolutions for that year were. I wonder how I did for 2009:

1. Be better about washing my face Umm CHECK! I definitely do this twice a day with proper cleanser and moisturizers, instead of in the shower with a bar of soap. Go me!

2. Take my vitamins Unfortunately I still do not do this.

3. Exercise three times a week I did exercise three times a week until about the end of November, the beginning of December. That's okay, I am still way better about exercising than I was two years ago, so that's something.

4. Take an hour before I go to sleep to not worry about stuff/do schoolwork I wouldn't say I take an entire hour, but I at least try to read or something before I go to sleep to clear my mind. I don't think it's quite as relaxing as I had hoped for it to be, though.

5. Get organized Hahahaha I am definitely NOT the organization queen I was probably imagining when I wrote this. But I do keep a calendar now, and I did not pull one all nighter all semester, so there's progress!

6. Keep holding on to this way of thinking. This way of thinking was being more open and friendly and getting out of my comfort zone socially. This was a big success. I feel like I have so many more friends now than I did last semester, and I am generally a lot happier.

7. Keep a positive outlook This one took me a while, but I definitely have a more positive outlook.

How did you all do on your resolutions?

Hey guys, it's Christmastime!

2009-12-20T14:01:00.002-05:00

Yesterday was my family's Christmas party. We drove to my aunt's house, where there was snow on the ground for that extra bit of magic, and enjoyed delicious food, wonderful company, and a rousing game of dirty Santa where I made out like a bandit with a great gift, and Danny ended up with a gopher, which made him pretty mad and amused the rest of us quite a bit. I hung out with Mckenna a lot, basically because she's so sweet, and if she shows any indication of wanting me to do something with her I can't say no. We were sitting at the counter, and she was eating grapes and I was just taking in the scene, and I thought about two things: First, that I was really thankful that my family is made up of people that I like, and get along with, and we are all able to get together pretty often, and it's always fun, and also that that was the first time in a really long time (like a year?) that I was able to sit down, and be in the moment, and not have anything I was worried about, or sad about, or some obligation looming over my head, or feel like part of me was somewhere else. I wouldn't say this year was bad, by any stretch, and it definitely got better starting at the end of July, but it was definitely one of the more challenging years I've experienced so far. A lot of things I wanted to happen didn't, and a lot of things I didn't want to happen, did. I feel like I'm a better person now for it, and I didn't encounter any real hardship by any stretch, but I don't know; not exactly a banner year I would say. I also got a little more high-strung and prone to stress over things that don't really matter. So my goal for this coming year is to re-lax. Things generally have a way of working out, whether or not I know how it's going to happen, and I should really just work hard, know I've done all I can, and then let it go.

Things I Am Thankful For

2009-11-24T13:16:00.004-05:00

Thanksgiving is coming up, and let me tell you I have never been more excited than I am this year. The food is going to be amazing, the company is going to be great, and most importantly, there will be no school from Wednesday to Sunday. Wednesday. To. Sunday. That is a nice, LONG, break. Of course I have all sorts of things I'd like to get accomplished over this break, including but not limited to getting all of my holiday presents figured out/designed, getting my portfolio website up and running (long, long overdue!!) relaxing a lot, catching up with my family, and getting ahead on all of my homework.

But let's face it. Probably what's going to happen is I am going to eat way more than I should, sleep a lot, and lay around my house and just enjoy my break. Because it appears that the minute I step into my house I am struck with crippling laziness, I wanted to take a moment now, before the break even begins, to talk about what I am thankful for:

1. The new job I just got. (What? Yes! It's an internship and I am incredibly excited)

2. My computer, Sophie. We've had kind of a rough year, she has been in and out of the Apple store a couple of times, but she's been a good friend. I spend a lot of my life with her, and hey Sophie, I just wanted to say thanks.

3. This girl:
My mom and I took her to the Christmas Parade here in my city, and we had so much fun with her. She is so sweet and so much fun. My favorite part was when we were walking back, and I'd turn around to make sure she and Mom were with me, and every time she'd give me a really big smile like she was psyched to see me.

4. My family. I keep realizing how lucky I am to have a family I love and enjoy spending time with. As I get closer and closer to graduating and (maybe) moving away, I keep realizing how great it is that they are so close. I'm really excited to spend the weekend at home.

5. My birthday this year. I know I just talked about how great it was but seriously: Best Birthday Ever.

6. Coffee. Some days, when I can't really wake up, I'll lay in bed and think about my cup of coffee and that will be enough to motivate me to get up and embrace the day, and not just sleep through all my classes.

7. My life. I really have been sitting here racking my brains for more things to add to the list, and honestly, I think just about everything should be on this list. I have so many fantastic people in my life that I am not even going to list them all here, because I'd leave someone out and that would be bad. I am really excited about the future, but I'm still loving school right now. I live in a great apartment, and I get to do a lot of fun stuff. What more could a girl ask for?

I hope you all have a happy Thanksgiving!

Six Months

2009-11-05T13:09:00.004-05:00

Six months ago (well actually more like seven now, but I've been thinking about this post for a while), I was in a bad place. Certainly nothing to complain to anyone who has ever experienced real adversity, but I was not feeling successful at my chosen career, (ie no job in sight), I was lonely, and I had a hard time seeing the bright side to anything. As I quickly made my way through all seven seasons of Gilmore Girls (it's not like I had lots of plans with friends or a job to get to or anything), and complained to my mom a LOT (thanks Mom!) she finally cracked one day and basically told me to sack up.

I handled that with my usual grace and charm, as you can imagine, and though the conversation was resolved nicely, I didn't hang up the phone feeling much better. The thing about what my mom says though is that I can't stop thinking about what she says after I've stopped talking to her. The other thing about my mom is that in the 21 years I've been alive, she's been wrong maybe once.

I was sitting in my room that night (alone. Watching Gilmore Girls. Can you see the theme?) and I thought about how one of my friends six months previously had just broken up with her boyfriend. She had been somewhat alienated from her friends, and after that happened she was completely awful to be around. She acted like nothing in her life would ever go right again. Six months later it looked like everything had turned around for her. She had a great group of friends, a new boyfriend, and she was doing spectacularly at school. (She'd also ditched me as a friend but WHATEVER) Six months is not that long, I said to myself. I can change the things I don't like about my life in six months.

Six months later it was my 21st birthday! Elizabeth and my aunt Diane came down to help me celebrate, and it was really just magical. We went out for drinks at midnight the night before, and the day after was lazy and nice and relaxing. It involved shopping and a nice brunch (brunch is quickly becoming my favorite meal). We had a delicious dinner, and limoncello was involved. I am obsessed with limoncello, probably because my mom makes it and it is AMAZING. On Saturday I had a birthday party. Almost all of my friends were able to come, and after hanging out at my apartment for a while, we walked to the bar right up the block and had all kinds of amazing drinks. I didn't end up going to sleep until 4 in the morning. The next day, Elizabeth had to leave and I was giddy for the rest of the week because it was such a success.

I didn't think about it until later but it was almost exactly six months after I had talked to my mom. Six months of doing things outside my comfort zone, of really making an effort to reach out and be friendly and approachable (the curse of shy people is that they seem standoffish and bitchy half the time), and here I am, with a LOT of people I really enjoy spending time with and I am busier than I have ever been in my life. It was hard at first to make the effort when I would have felt a lot better staying home and watching tv, and it was hard at first feeling like I was the only one making the effort and nobody else reciprocated, but eventually my efforts paid off and people started calling me too.

But the other amazing part about this is that I'm not afraid to be alone any more. At one point being by myself seemed to be a reminder that somewhere out there people were doing fun stuff without me and they didn't want me there. Now I am happy by myself. I don't feel left out, and I know that if I really want to do something social I have the confidence to do something that I might not be exactly comfortable with.

In six months you can do anything!

Three days until my birthday!!

2009-10-13T09:37:00.003-04:00

..Not that I'm counting or anything.

I just wanted to point out something incredibly exciting that happened to me last night. I went to my favorite coffee shop and posted to twitter that I was there and it was my favorite in the rain (they have a twitter account, how awesome is that?) and then a couple hours later I came back to this on my computer:
WELL CHECK THAT OUT! Even though some people tried to convince me they were just being polite and they 'respond to people all the time with stuff like that ' I am going to go ahead and be excited about that.

Plans for This Weekend

2009-10-08T11:07:00.002-04:00

It is my fall break this weekend. A lot of people for fall break go on vacation and whatnot, but a) I did that last year (I went to D.C.) and it was super fun and definitely within the realm of 'good college experience' so I'm not feeling like I've always missed out, PLUS I hope to be going somewhere for spring break so I'm going to save my pennies and get stuff done here.

Also, I'm feeling increasingly behind and scattered in almost every aspect of my life, so I'm going to take this weekend as a calming break where I can get it together and maybe feel like I really have control of at least one aspect of my life. That's reasonable, right?

Side note: What should I be for Halloween? I am completely out of ideas and the Halloween Bash's theme (party in the laboratory) is lame and doesn't necessarily have to be obeyed because dude seriously?

THINGS I AM DOING TODAY

>>Clean apartment.

>>Finish weather and climate homework

>>Finish icons (I'm not sure how much I should say about this but let me tell you I am drawing a set of icons for something and they are going to be baller.)

>>Go hiking.

>>See Zombieland

Hello Hello

2009-10-04T12:09:00.002-04:00

Things I am Currently Obsessed With:

Shows (of the musical variety) - I went to two (two!) last weekend and they were both amazing and just reinforced my goal to go to a lot more shows this (school) year.
Slouchy boots – Especially these slouchy boots. Seriously.
My birthday – It is in 12 days. 12. I have always been a big proponent of celebrating a birthday as thoroughly as possible, but this birthday has the perfect storm of being on a Friday (and I don't have class on Fridays), being my 21st birthday (and let me tell you I am the youngest senior in my college and definitely in my major) having Elizabeth coming to visit me for it, and having talked about it so much that everyone is looking forward to it just so maybe I will shut up about it.
Cheskers – Cheskers is a game that David and I (but mostly David) invented where you take a chess board and chess pieces and then you play checkers with it. We tried to play with taking away the forced jump rule but then there was a road block so that didn't really work out. Part of the fun is making tiny paper hats for the kings and also when you're in a coffee shop and people are staring at you because you are a) talking smack really loudly and b) playing chess wrong.
Screenprinting – I love screenprinting. I just learned how to do it but it is AMAZING.

that is a really great video of the screenprinting process. I especially enjoy screenprinting when, after putting emulsion on my screen (a process that was significantly harder for me than featured in that video) and letting it dry (something that takes hours of time), I went back to my school's screenprinting room to burn my design on my screen and spend a lovely day screenprinting and it was gone. Gone! Because someone stole it. Don't worry though, I left a scathing note. That will really show them.
Taking videos – I don't do a lot with them usually but there's something about these random captures of life that can take you back instantly to a completely different place in my life. I love it.
The phrase 'California Light' – I think my dad made it up, and even though initially I was like what, Dad, you don't know what you're talking about that's a dumb thing to say. ( I think part of this was because he just kept repeating it over and over again and refused to explain what he meant) I am finding myself repeating it far more than is necessary.
Making t-shirts – Screenprinting means making t-shirts and I have so many ideas for shirts now it's crazy.
Plaid shirts – Especially on boys.
Crazy bikes with super bright colors – There are a few of these on campus and they are amazing.
Kids my age who wear helmets – Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one and then someone else will cruise by just like me, wearing a helmet. And it's awesome.
Soup – It has gotten marginally cooler here and all of a sudden I'm dreaming about cream of broccoli and this really great beef chili one my mom makes mm mmm mmmmm.
Cardigans – As usual. I lost my favorite cardigan and it was horrible and sad but I managed to find one exactly the same except it's black instead of navy blue. While that's not really as great it's a good reminder to KEEP TRACK OF MY STUFF.
Procrastinating from my work – Not that that's what's happening right now or anything.
Pumpkins
Homemade pretzels (MOM, I'm looking at you!)
My favorite coffee shop in the fall.
Driving – But not just any driving. Oh no. Driving a manual. Because I learned how to do that. And even though I still tend to shout a lot when I'm driving. (I do that when I'm driving my car too but it's usually out of frustration not terror that I'm going to kill someone) I still feel really badass cruising around and shifting gears without the assistance of my car.
Skinny jeans
Wooly blazer type coats that are deep blue/purple and having big collars.
Salsa dancing
White ink on white paper
Avocado
My cousin's new baby. He is so sweet and beautiful and calm.
My cousin's old baby.
Reading. I need to do it more but I haven't found a lot of compelling books recently.
Coffee.

2009-09-28T16:00:00.003-04:00

Oh, hello my beautiful friends.

It has been a while since I updated and that is because things have been C-R-A-Z-Y basically ever since school started, and when I do have free time it is most likely spent laying in a heap on my bed rather than doing anything productive. Aaaand since I have to go to class like now, I'm just going to give you a couple of pictures without any explanation and a promise to do better next week. (Hey do any of you remember when I was all about Twyla Tharp's The Creative Habit and I started my day off with a blog post as my 'ritual'? I think I may try that again since I'm also trying to wake up a little earlier because I've found when I'm not running out the door every morning the rest of my day is not rushed either.)

I'm Baaaaack!!

2009-09-01T10:51:00.003-04:00

It's been a while since I posted. I know this. I've been really busy with school and all that jazz, plus I felt pressure (from myself) to post about my vacation, PLUS school has been crazy, but it's cool. I'm here today to tell you a little story.

The story is about my bike.

Once I ran into a car on my bike.

This time was yesterday.

Here is what happened:
I was riding my bike to class as I normally do. I alternate between riding on the street and the sidewalk, and this time I was riding on the sidewalk on campus, which means a whole lot of people just milling around. It drives me crazy when people can't walk in a straight line, but I also understand that pedestrians have the right of way so I was trying to dodge the wanderers. I noticed that a guy was walking toward me and it wasn't looking like he would get out of the way and I didn't have a lot of places to go. (Earlier I had almost fallen off my bike because some fool stepped out in front of me and I braked super hard and skidded because the asphalt was wet.) I have to think fast or get off my bike.
There's a little space between the curb and a signpost, and I think oh hey. I will squeeze through this and it will be AWESOME and nobody will walk into me there! Here is a witness drawing of the situation so far:

Anyway, I am riding through congratulating myself on how awesome I am for thinking of this idea when I realize that my nice wide cruiser handlebars are not going to fit through this space. There is not much I can do about this at this point in time. I decide that maybe I can sort of jerk the handlebars to the side and fit through but I am STUPID and do not think that the bike goes where the handlebars are pointing.

The bike. Goes. Where the handlebars. Are Pointing.

My tire promptly falls off the curb causing me to sort of fall off my seat and hit the car really loudly with my hand in order not to completely crash into it. The car is wet so my hand (and the rest of me) slides. The bike falls to the side, knocking me into the car, and behind me I hear laughter.

There are now about 20 people here who can tell you about that girl they saw wearing the giant purple raincoat and bright blue helmet who biked into a car like a DAMN FOOL.

Wedding!

2009-08-16T12:21:00.001-04:00

Oh Jeeze, originally uploaded by i am whimsical.

The first part of our trip started out with the wedding of one of my older cousins. He is from the family that has 11 children altogether, and it's kind of a family joke that since we don't see them very often it's hard to figure out who's who. I was super excited for this wedding because I had just seen a bunch of them at our grandfather's funeral so I felt like I finally had a grasp on everyone so I could be great at conversation (it's really hard to ask someone about their life when you're not 100 percent sure it's actually who you think it is) and because they are so much fun to be around. One of my favorite memories as a kid is when they came over to my house and our parents left for a while and we just ran around my house playing hide and go seek tag (running was not allowed when it was just Daniel and me, let me tell you) and we only stopped when something almost got broken.

The wedding reception was lovely. The food was delicious, the hall was really pretty, and then there was dancing, which is my favorite part of any wedding, to be honest. It was so fun to catch up with everyone, and see kids I hadn't seen in years, or hadn't met yet, and there was one point, I think it was the part when Taylor Swift's Love Story came on and all of the girls rushed onto the dance floor and stood in a circle and sang really loudly, when I was just so happy that I had been lucky enough to be born with all these cousins. There are 29 (I think) people in the world that I share so many things with, even if we don't see each other very often. I love it when we are all together.

So the wedding was definitely a success. It's a little sad because we've been having a wedding or two a year since I was a sophomore in high school, and we are quickly running out of people who can be married, so this might be the last one for a while.

I'm going to quit writing here, because it's time for me to go to the pool!

Oh yeah, I do have a blog!

2009-08-11T12:53:00.003-04:00

I feel like my blogging always dies after vacations because I haven't posted in a while and I want to post vacation pics but I want them to all look good and then it's six months later and I haven't posted anything and the guilt is CRIPPLING.

But yeah, I was gone for a long time and I took a ton of pictures and I have to sort through them all and THEN I have to take out the ones where I look dumb (ie most of them) and THEN I have to edit them and THEN I actually have to upload them. This is all manageable except SOMEONE gave me his cold because he couldn't master the whole let me cough into my arm and then NOT hug you with that same arm thing. Not that I'm pointing any fingers, DANIEL.

So for now, my vacation was great, I had a ton of fun, and now that I'm back things are busy in the best kind of way ( a lot of pool time, some shopping, some planned crafty things, seeing old friends and friends who have been gone for a long time and are back now, yay!) (am I old enough to have old friends? I feel like everyone I've known for more than two months is an 'old friend' which is probably indicative that I'm not..)

I have a ton of stuff planned for the upcoming months, and I have to say, this is the most excited I've been for school to start back up. I think every year I'm very excited for school, but this year it's the best kind of excitement, because it doesn't hinge on any one person coming back or any one event happening, it's a whole series of events. And the event I'm most excited about is the actual class starting and having a studio again, and not feeling any fear or nerves at all because now I am certain that this is what I love and want to do, and how can that not be amazing?

here is a crappy picture to tide you over until the real pictures arrive. You can try to guess what exactly it is I'm photographing here if you like..

quick thoughts before bed

2009-08-06T01:25:00.002-04:00

i am too tired to capitalize. sorry.

tonight i had dinner in a giant revolving room 115 stories above toronto. it was way more baller than i thought it would be. also i stood on the glass floor and cowered in terror because hey guys! i hate heights.

today i also got a sweet sweet backpack that is going to be great for school.

it shows that you are never too old to go school supply shopping.

also today i had my first macaron. it was as tasty as i had hoped. i took lots of pictures.

the drinking age here in canada is 19. i've been having more fun than i should showing people my id.

i'm sitting in a hotel lobby right now watching drunk people stumble back to their rooms.

at some point in my life i want to live somewhere with a really fantastic view.

my anthropologie blazer makes every single outfit i have look 10000000 times cooler. i know this because i've worn it constantly.

it is cold in the north.

i understand this is like saying we breathe air, but seriously guys, 75 degrees is not adequate summer temperature. it is also not appropriate in 75 degree weather to lay in an urban park wearing only a teeny tiny white string bikini. yes i am talking to you rando string bikini girl.

lots of people bike in toronto. i'm getting psyched for my biking adventures this fall.

lots of people also like to body slam you in toronto. i suppose it is customary to play chicken when you're walking toward someone here? i don't like it.

i've read three books on my vacation thus far.

none of them have been good for me.

only one of them has been really good.

the other two were just okay.

i like getting dressed up for dinner every night. i think i'm going to start doing it at home.

even if it's just dinner for me.

dinner for just me would be awesome if i am wearing fab heels.

tomorrow we are going to a winery.

i hope to sample icewine.

i am really incredibly sleepy.

probably because i walked a lot today.

there are a ton of hipsters here.

someone told me they liked my pants today.

that was cool.

what is going to be cooler is laying down and going to sleep.

because nobody says 'ya'll' here, i feel the need to say it all the time.

NIGHT YA'LL.

My Bike

2009-07-25T23:55:00.002-04:00

I took my first official bike ride today. Yesterday and this morning I did ride in circles on the driveway, but I am choosing not to count that. The ride was as fun as I had imagined it would be. This is going to be great.

Big News!

2009-07-24T19:22:00.003-04:00

Today I purchased a bike!

I am SO EXCITED about this. After visiting my cousins and riding their beach cruisers around, I decided that I really wanted to take a bike to school with me. I live close enough to walk most places, but I rarely do because I am too lazy to take 15-20 minutes to walk somewhere. This is where a bike comes in:

Bikes are fun to ride. Even though it may take me 10 minutes extra to get somewhere, I will be happy doing that.
Bikes are faster than walking. Places that I could technically walk to but are still kind of far will be much closer with a bike.
My bike was way, way cheaper than buying a parking pass for school.
My bike will take me directly to my classes, as opposed to having to park in a deck somewhere and STILL walk.
I am going to be in killer shape by the end of the year.
Did I mention how much I like riding my bike around?

I've been looking for a cruiser type bike to purchase, but I wanted to keep it inexpensive because a) I am poor and b) that way if it gets stolen (I really hope it is not stolen) it won't be THAT much of a downfall. The first bike I found was $700, which was a little discouraging, but then I went on to Target and they had some bikes that were $150/$200. This was a little better, but they weren't exactly what I wanted and they were not fun colors like I had hoped to be able to find. I found some bikes online but they were a little pricier and the shipping costs made them incredibly expensive.

Then I went to Wal-Mart.

Let me just say that I usually really hate Wal-Mart. It is just so big and you can never get anyone to help you and the lighting is weird. Today though, Wal-Mart was amazing. I went with my dad and we found a super cool bike right away, and four people came over to help us get it down and then they let me ride it down the aisle and it was waaaay way cheaper than all of the other bikes. Even with a bike lock, a blinky light and an air pump it was still cheaper than all the other bikes I'd looked at. And it's an awesome color, pale blue and cream. I'll put up pictures of it in action later, but let's just leave it at I am really excited about this bike. All I need to get now is a basket!

Well Good Morning!

2009-07-23T12:30:00.002-04:00

Random things that have been happening in my life:

//My year's studio teacher lineup for the fall has changed, and consequently I got to switch into a studio with a teacher that I'm really excited about. She has a reputation for being really tough, and I'm a little scared of her but I'm hoping it's going to be the beginning of a beautiful fall semester.

//I ordered that blazer I showed a few posts down from Anthropologie. I had a gift card I had been holding onto for almost two years (I had been saving it for something special then I'd forgotten about it, but good thing I remembered because it expires in September!) and then after I ordered it and freaked out about how EXPENSIVE shipping was (seriously it was 11 dollars to ship and then they had an estimated TEN DOLLARS of tax WHAT THE HECK ANTHROPOLOGIE) I found out that my anthro card gave me free shipping, and then they knocked the tax back to a much more reasonable 4 dollars meaning this blazer and I were meant to be. I'm really excited about this.

//I've had this loveseat that Chris gave me when he moved, and a broken vacuum cleaner that I no longer needed to fix because Alberto gave me HIS when HE moved. Side note: The cool thing about your friends moving away is that they give you all your free stuff. Along with the vacuum cleaner and the loveseat I also scored a graduation robe, two board games (Twister and Quelf) an awesome type poster and a dying plant. Anyway, I didn't have a place for the loveseat and I didn't need the vacuum cleaner so I dragged them out to the curb (by myself. Down stairs. It looked like I was being attacked by a couch) with big signs saying FREE (and broken! but easily fixed! by the vacuum cleaner because I didn't want anyone to feel scammed). Then to be safe I put an ad up on Craigslist and let me tell you they were gone within the hour. It was awesome.

//Lately I have been feeling my seasonal need to organize. I don't know why, but at the beginning or end of things, I feel the need to purge. This used to be every time I moved, but now it's more like when spring starts, and when summer ends. Anyway, before Ryan moves in I would like to rearrange all of the furniture in my apartment. It's been the same way for a year and it's getting a little stale. I also have plans to convert the eating area in my apartment into a combination eating area/studio. I am going to move my desk out of my room where it is cluttering things up and into that space, and I just reorganized my studio dresser so now things like x-acto knives, spray mount and more paper than you would believe are right at the tips of my fingers.

//Today is my day to clean the house. I do this every other week. It's been a little rough at times but I think I am getting my technique down. Today I believe my mom thinks I am procrastinating, maybe because I told her I was going to wake up at 9, work out and then clean and instead I woke up at 10:45 and have been on my computer drinking coffee ever since. (It's summer, I won't be able to be this lazy soon, what can I say?) The truth of the matter is when I realized she and my brother are going to be gone soon, leaving the house empty, I decided to wait until then so I can blast my music and have a dance party while cleaning. I actually kind of like to clean things (except vacuuming, I hate vacuuming) but it's waaay more fun when I can sing and dance too.

//Basically everything has been really relaxed lately. It was my mom's birthday on Tuesday which was fun (and relaxing!) and my cousin's wedding is in a couple of weeks, but for now I am taking it easy and enjoying this whole summer deal. I go back to school in a little less than a month, and even though I am so excited I could throw up every time I think about it, these long slow days and watching tv evenings are pretty great too.

type

2009-07-20T23:45:00.001-04:00

I decided to start drawing more type. I am always encountering phrases that I love and this is a fun way to get better at something I like.

I really hate coming up with titles

2009-07-18T23:55:00.002-04:00

Not a whole lot of note has happened recently. Today was my little cousin Mckenna's 2nd birthday party, which was exciting since I absolutely adore her and an afternoon of watching her get jacked up on cupcakes and run laps around the house holding 20 balloons is definitely my idea of a good time. I also got to see some lot of my other cousins, and make a new friend!

I've been taking a social life hiatus lately. Kind of. There have still been plenty of fun things to do, but I haven't been making the concentrated effort the way I have since the beginning of May. It's really hard to be social when most of your friends have to wake up early in the morning for work/half of your friends are not in town for the summer. So I have given myself permission to realllly enjoy sitting on the couch, watching tv, reading at the pool, and being by myself. Soon enough I will be back at school and I really think it won't be so hard to get stuff going then.

Umm in other news there really is no other news!

2009-07-17T15:04:00.000-04:00

from top left:

necklace, shoes, dress, bag, dress, cardigan
shirt, blazer, shirt, dress, scarf
bag, scarf, dress, shoes, earrings
scarf, skirt, shoes, shirt,
glasses, dress, bracelet, pants

I haven’t been shopping a lot in the past year. I mean, it’s not like I have completely abstained from shopping, but it hasn’t been as frequent as I like. Fall is coming up, and I still don’t think I’ll be able to shop as much as I want, but I do want to get some new things to wear.

So I made a collage of things that I am liking, so I can stay on track when I actually do want to purchase things. Last year I wore mostly jeans and a tank top, and then a yellow hoodie and a blue scarf. I really like the whole jeans and a tank top idea, because it is generally comfortable and pretty easy, but if I’m going to be sticking with that (and I will be, because that’s about all I have in the way of winter clothes), I want to make it a little bit more stylish because I saw some pictures of myself with the whole hoodie/scarf combo and it’s not pretty.
I still am obsessed with scarf, but instead of a solid print, I want to get some with bright colors and fun prints, like plaid. (I love plaid. This is a new love but it is still very strong.)
If I pair that with a nice jacket, it can look more polished than a hoodie and still be about as comfortable. I really like the jacket I picked out from Anthropologie because it looks menswear inspired (which will make the bright colors and crazy patterns look more adult and polished) but it also looks very soft and comfortable.
I could also take away the scarf and pair it with a cardigan. I already have some cardigans that I loooove, but another one with fun details or patterns would be good too..
Of course the jeans are important in this equation. It is my goal to get some great jeans for this fall. I’ve been getting jeans from Old Navy, but one pair ripped, the second pair unexpectedly shrunk, and the third pair got so stretched out they were practically falling off. I would really love some skinny jeans.
I am also really into dresses. It’s funny, because when I was younger I didn’t like dresses so much but I really liked skirts, and now I’d much rather be in a dress than a skirt. I also think they’re more versatile. If I have a cute dress, I can dress it up with heels and jewelry, or wear it during the day with my blazer or cardigan and some flats. For the fall I’m liking dresses with small patterns, rich colors, and big textures.
I really suck at accessories, but I am going to try (again) to be better at that. I love big pieces for wrists, and big earrings that are delicate enough not to be overpowering. (They have to be big otherwise they get lost in my hair). I really don’t wear necklaces very often, but the one from Urban Outfitters looks amazing. It has lots of parts, which is cool, and it’s long (bonus!) and it doesn’t come up too high on my neck, which I hate. It also looks fairly delicate, something I like.
As for shoes, I love cute flats with unexpected details like a fraying ruffle, and anything that’s retro and 40’s inspired. I want to wear more heels as well. Last year my shoes had to be able to handle walking very quickly (that’s the only way I walk) for AT LEAST ten minutes because of where I parked and where I had class. Since I’m getting a bike and riding it to class, I don’t think that’s going to be as much of an issue (I will have biking shoes if I wear heels), so I don’t have to worry as much about the functionality of my shoes. I’m NOT going to let myself wear my smelly old black shoes every single day again like I used to. That is just lazy.
So that is my style forecast for the fall. Lots of neutrals paired with smaller patterns and eye searingly bright colors. I hope this wasn’t boring for you guys to read, because it was really fun for me to put together. Online shopping is (almost) as fun as real shopping! What are you thinking you’ll wear in the fall?

Hm

2009-07-16T23:10:00.000-04:00

Tonight I was driving home. The sun was setting, so the light was golden and the air was a little hazy because it's summer here and always humid. I was thinking about how beautiful it is where I live (I always take the scenic route home) and how I wanted to start taking pictures of just how pretty it is, in case I move, something that might happen in the next couple of years for the first time ever.

I'd had a busy day, meeting someone in the morning and spending the afternoon at school, using the laser cutter. It was my first time using the laser cutter this summer. I wasn't completely pressed for time and I had the opportunity to do whatever I wanted with it, and I'd left with about a million ideas for the stuff I'd made, as well as for future visits.

A friend had invited me out for this evening, and I was considering whether or not I wanted to go. Earlier in the week I went to see Harry Potter at midnight for the first time, which was insanely fun and I'd seen a few friends at school. I had a lot of plans for the school year, and I decided I wanted to stay at home and relax instead of go out. This was novel. For a while I've been accepting almost every invitation I've gotten because I feel like I need to Make An Effort and Be Friendlier because I had this vision of a group of friends (the way my freshman year was/the way Friends the tv show is) and because I didn't have a solid group of people who not only were friends with me but all friends with each other, I felt like I'd failed.

But I realized something (and this is probably not news to anyone but me), I have made stronger friends in kind of a short amount of time. I don't have a group but I don't *need* a group. I don't have a boyfriend any more either, but I don't *need* him either. I'm happy being by myself. I still like having him in my life as a friend, but I'm not sad any more that he isn't here and I'm not dating him because I can't control that and it's pointless. I have a wide and varied cast of people in my life and they are super cool and I love them but I no longer feel like I'm missing something. I used to feel like if I wasn't out doing stuff, everyone else was having waay more fun than I was, at a secret party that I was missing.

I don't feel like I'm always missing something any more.

THIS IS SO COOL.

I felt so calm and happy this evening. I'm excited to go back to school and work hard and learn a lot, but I'm also liking the place where I am right now, (that place allows me to wake up tomorrow morning, work out, and read Twilight at the pool all morning. (Yes, I am reading Twilight. Yes, I am enjoying it. I'll read something really hard and intellectual after this in order to keep my brain from completely rotting.) In the afternoon I can work on some projects and in the evening maybe I'll call someone for dinner or I could hang out at home)

I'm really excited about the future. It's been a somewhat rocky summer so far, but no more. I'm spending the rest of it being productive and relaxing at the same time, enjoying spending time with people and enjoying this new feeling of independence.

Heyo

2009-07-09T23:03:00.005-04:00

(Of course I decide to start my new life plan on the day that I actually have something to do all day long, leaving me no time to make something. It's cool, I really like blogging too, but I didn't want you guys to think I was a super slacker right from the start!)

I've started to write a bucket list of sorts. I've been calling it a 'life list' because I'm not really that excited to think about my own death, but after Grandpa's funeral I have been thinking about what's important in life, and what I want to do with mine. I'm afraid I'll be his age and thinking about all the things I *should* have done, not all the things I *did* do. Since I really love lists, I figured that making a big list of everything I want to do, one that I can edit as my life and priorities change (by edit I mean 'add things to') but something to keep me focused and remembering what I want to do in my life. I'm going to post some of it here from time to time with explanations.

MY LIFE LIST PART ONE

// See a tornado

I am really afraid of tornadoes. When I was younger it was more of a terror type thing, and as I've grown up it's become this sick fascination. I don't want to see one where I live because of all the trees. If you see a tornado here it is ON TOP OF YOU and YOU ARE GOING TO DIE. But I want to face my fear and see one somewhere nice and flat and treeless like Kansas or somewhere. I would also like to see it from far, far away. And once I have seen it I want to leave Kansas immediately and never go back. This also comes from a recurring dream I have where I see a tornado so part of me wants to just get it over with, and maybe then I will never see one again.

// See the northern lights

I have heard they are very beautiful and I would like to see this phenomenon for myself because I just cannot imagine it.

// Visit all 50 states
I've been to a lot of states already since we take a whole lot of road trips in my family. I want to *at least* drive through all of the states and definitely visit a lot of them. America is cool! I want to see it all!

// Take a picture with the Easter Island Heads
Some of these don't require an explanation.

// Go to Paradise Falls
I wanted to do this before I saw Up, just so you know. It is the tallest waterfall in the world, so tall that the water turns to mist before it touches the ground. I want to see this for myself.

~~// See Niagara Falls. Maybe ride down them in a barrel, we can see how I’m feeling that day.~~

// Go to Japan

// Sing karaoke that is not guitar hero
A lot of this list is about pushing myself and doing things that I admire other people for doing or that put me out of my comfort zone. I really love to sing. Whenever I am driving by myself (or with Daniel) I sing the entire time I am in the car. I have no illusions about my voice; I'm sure it sucks. The very act of singing makes me really happy though. I'm way too shy to do this in front of other people. If I can get up in front of an audience and do something that I absolutely love but also terrifies me, I can do anything. (I am also hoping that this karaoke machine will be in a bar where I can have some drinks first so I don't have to think too hard about it.)

// Actually complete the 365 photo thing
My name is Alison and sometimes I like to finish what I start. This will happen.

// See a live volcano like the one they have in Hawaii
A little known fact about me is that I think volcanoes are the coolest. When I was younger I seriously considered becoming a volcanologist. Since I decided not to do that, I would really LOVE to visit one of the active volcanoes that are not, you know, throwing molten rock and hot ash up into the air. There is one in Hawaii that has been erupting since 1984, just sort of bubbling lava out, and I'd love to see it.

// Become a creme brulee master
Another little known fact about me is that while I'm pretty good at cooking and baking, I suck at making custardy things. Last time I tried to make creme brulee it tasted like sweetened scrambled eggs. This will not do. I like to think I'm good in the kitchen and I refuse to have a weakness in creme brulee, especially since it is one of my favorite desserts.

//Learn a new language
I know that one sounds kind of 'stuff white people like' but seriously. I've been talking about it for enough time that I need to actually do it. I'm thinking Spanish, since that would be the most practical.

//See Stonehenge with my own two eyes.
They were so fascinating to me when I was younger, and for some reason with things like that I just can't get a sense of scale from photos, so I think I need to see it in person.

// See the Pyramids
Dude, people think they may have been built by aliens. That's how nuts they are!

//Drive to California (and back)

//See some of my favorite bands in concert. This is including but not limited to:
~~-The Arctic Monkeys~~ (DONE! Story coming soon!)
-Death Cab for Cutie
-Rilo Kiley (or just Jenny Lewis, I'm not sure if RK is together any more)
~~-Guster~~ ~~(OH WAIT! They were absolutely amazing)~~
-Cake
-Lily Allen
~~-STRFCKR~~ (OH WAIT AGAIN! Also amazing, and I met the lead singer when he sold my my t-shirt. He was really nice and it was fun to see a band I like so much in such a small venue that I could reach out and touch them while they were performing if I had wanted to.

2009-07-09T00:42:00.000-04:00

Okay guys, here’s the plan.

I feel really lame when I lay around all day and don’t do anything. Then I get stressed because it is my last summer as a non-contributing member of society and I need to ENJOY IT and there are so many books to be read and the the couch isn’t going to sit on itself and the pool needs people like me to lay next to it, etc etc.

But I’ve already read a lot of books and I can’t sleep at night if I lay next to the pool all day. I’ve been working out, which is cool but I don’t feel productive if I do just that.

So I’ve come up with a plan. The plan is really simple.

Make something every day.

It could be a blog post or a photograph, or it could be something handmade (that’s what I’m going to strive for, but I don’t want to make this an obligation so much as a challenge!) I’ve been thinking about opening an etsy store for a while, so maybe that could tie into that.

But the POINT is to feel productive and do something I love at the same time. It’s going to be great.

2009-07-06T23:53:00.002-04:00

I woke up to my phone ringing on Tuesday. This was exciting because usually nobody calls me, but when I picked it up it was my mom, so I figured she was calling to make sure I was awake, something she sometimes does. She wasn’t calling to make sure I was awake, my grandfather had died.

My grandpa was 92 years old. On his 90th birthday, when my cousin asked him what he wanted for a birthday present, he responded “a coffin.” He made no secret of the fact that he was ready to go, and had been for quite some time. It wasn’t unexpected and knowing that this was something he wanted made it easier to believe the cliche ‘he is in a better place’. Selfishly though, I am sad. He was the first of my grandparents to die, and the first person close to me to die.

Grandpa was a farmer, except for the 26 months he spent in Europe in World War II, where he was an airplane mechanic. He married my grandmother when he was 30, and they went on to have six children, 29 grandchildren, and as of now 17 great grandchildren. He lived within the same group of small towns his whole life, and even after he stopped farming I can remember his wonderful garden.

We would go to Grandpa and Grandma’s house fairly often when I was small. We wouldn’t often stay for more than a night or two, but I remember arriving at the house that never ever changed (it hadn’t changed since the 70s I don’t think) and eating a delicious dinner at 1 in the afternoon during which he would always comment on what good eaters Daniel and I were. After that we would sit in the closed front porch and talk about how the crops were doing, the gas prices and the weather. If we were really lucky, he’d let us drive the riding lawn mower, which was super exciting when you were eight. At night, Daniel and I would sleep in this pitch black little guest room. I’d be on the plastic-sheeted bed, and Daniel would be in the crib, even when he was older. At night I would wake up terrified because I couldn’t see anything, and get up and turn on the hall light the way I did at home. I’d wake up a little while later to have it turned off, and turn it on again. It went on this way all night and I didn’t realize until later that the mysteriously turning off hall light was actually Grandpa turning it off and he probably wanted to hurt me.
I also remember hours of playing cards with him, and going to the park across the street from his house. If we were good, when we left we would get some smarties and big red.

His wake and funeral was more like a celebration of his life than the mourning of his death. Almost all of my cousins were able to make it, and it was wonderful to be able to see them and catch up with the ones I don’t see so often. It was also comforting to look around the room and see all of these people who share common traits, many of which come directly from Grandpa. We are all stubborn and think our way is the best, which is the way he was. Most of us have a deeply practical side, and we are all good workers.

Grandpa would tell my mom and aunts and uncles that they weren’t allowed to pout when they were younger, and they have all passed that down to us grandchildren. We all love music and dancing, and most of us have a pretty wicked sense of humor.

We all love to laugh, and even though it seems kind of irreverent for his wake to have a party atmosphere, it kind of did. We were all so sad that this wonderful man who brought us together was gone, but Grandpa enjoyed a good party, and we celebrated the long and rich life he did have, and fact that even in his death he was bringing us together and reminding us of the importance of good family.

Life Plans

2009-06-19T22:55:00.002-04:00

Lately I've been thinking about my life plans, and I have started to think about my future goals and hopes and dreams, etc. One of the things that I have learned it is a good idea to do is to visualize your goals and then make smaller goals working toward that big goal. One of my life goals is to appear on Conan O'Brien. I chose Conan because, after my friend introduced me to his show a couple of years ago, I have found him to be consistently hilarious. He has also made it a point to feature less mainstream people on his show, which makes me think I might have a shot, since I'm not planning on being an actress promoting a movie. I also have a slight crush on him.

On top of all of that, I think I would be awesome on his show. I'm friendly, I have a lot of really weird/entertaining stories, and my life has been pretty interesting so far.

So I'm going to start asking myself: How will this help me get on Conan O'Brien?

I'm probably going to need to be promoting something, whether it is a book I have written (which is a possibility!) or some amazing act of design I've done. Today I was thinking that since I'm having issues getting a job, I would definitely have plenty of time to go to New York to appear on his show now, and promote myself, and then I could go back in a couple years and let everyone know how I'm doing. (Seriously, the opportunities coming from that appearance, as long as I didn't totally freak out and turn into a stammering moron, would be amazing!)

So Conan, if you're reading this, give me a call. I promise you will not be disappointed.

He's totally gonna call.

Summer

2009-06-16T23:37:00.001-04:00

, originally uploaded by i am whimsical.

Tomorrow I have a job interview. I'm really nervous, so take a moment to wish me luck!

A while back I went to Ohio, and my dad and I took a day to visit Cincinnati, which is where he grew up. It was weird to see all the places he's talked about, especially when, like the pool where he learned to dive, it was abandoned and overgrown. I kept imagining him as a small child, except in my head he looked like my little brother. I really did enjoy spending the day with him, though. When I was younger we used to go shopping a lot (errands not like hey what do you think of these pants? oh they're darling!) and when I went to college I missed that.

I haven't really been doing a whole lot lately. I finally gave myself a project, since I hate having whole days go by where I do absolutely nothing, but other than that it's been a whole lot of relaxing. I am really trying to appreciate this time as I know I will fantasize about whole days where I have nothing to do when I'm back in school but honestly? I am so freaking bored you guys. I know I should be making the most of this time, but I think I need more structure in my life to be my most productive, and I am really thinking a job would help with that. Plus, having a little extra money wouldn't be such a terrible thing either.

It's weird, I actually usually enjoy interviews. Maybe I'm super narcissistic, but having the opportunity to talk about my work and myself usually isn't that unpleasant, and as long as the interviewer isn't crazy I can usually connect with them on some level. Hopefully that will be the case tomorrow..

Okay Life, I GET IT

2009-06-01T09:35:00.002-04:00

In December, when I was thinking about my summer plans I only had one goal: Employment. I wanted an internship with a design firm, preferably in Cincinnati. I wanted it to involve lots of collaboration and learning from the people I worked with, and I wanted it to provide a whole new and exciting experience for me, and maybe even a possible job for after I graduated. After the non-event that was last summer, I felt I was ready. In January, I started work on my website, in February I designed and made a mailer, and in March I sent them out, sent follow up emails, followed THOSE up with a phone call, and then maybe another one if I didn't get anything back. In April I went on an interview, and expanded my search to every city I knew someone in, and re-searched (not to be confused with research!) Raleigh to make sure there weren't any places that I missed. In May I went on another interview with an awesome place in Raleigh that I would have loved to have worked at, I didn't get the job, and I started looking for something, anything, not necessarily an internship.
And here we are at June and I still don't have a job.
I know that there are some things I can't control, and this isn't the best economy blah blah blahhh. It still really concerns me that I can't get an internship, because next year 'internship' will be 'actual job' and I won't have a school to return to in the fall. HOWEVER: I already have a decent amount of experience, and all I can do is work harder and continue to do what I love and hope that something will happen.
I can also see that this past semester was hard for me, and I had a hard time focusing on anything, especially school. I think that a summer of being able to do ONLY what I want with design could be great, and really refreshing, and really positive. I haven't let it get me down in the sense that I'm appreciating all the free time I have and doing things like reading (reading!) and hanging out with people I usually don't see. So that parts great.

But seriously. I need a job. Any kind of job. I have applied to places like Victoria's Secret (apparently I am not qualified enough to work for Victoria's Secret, awesome.) and Pier One and Starbucks and some of them aren't actually hiring right now, but I haven't heard back from anywhere! I am going to keep looking and I know (hope) eventually I will find something but I'm getting worried.

Later today I'm going to go job-hunt some more. But for now I think I will drink my coffee and read my book and appreciate the fact that I may never have this long of a stretch of free time again.

Some Goals For The Summer

2009-05-11T01:10:00.002-04:00

>> Laugh a lot every day

>> Take a LOT of pictures

>> Don't worry about anything that I can't control. Actually, don't worry about anything. I worried a lot this semester and all it did was help me lose sleep.

>> Behave badly

>> Be more outgoing

>> Be more confident!

>> Listen to lots of new music (but also listen to my old favorites)

>> Read many books

>> Eat more vegetables

>> Eat more sushi

>> Make sure everyone I love knows just how much I love them.

>> Swim!

Summer summer summer

2009-05-08T11:37:00.002-04:00

Remember how I wished for May 2nd? Well, now it's May 8th and things are great. I am finished with school for the summer, I am going to be a lifeguard, I have an internship interview on Monday..

The only bad part about all of this is apparently my body decided that the beginning of the summer was the time to get sick. Body, this is not acceptable. You have kept me in bed all day today with aching joints and a sore throat, and I let you, but tomorrow this nonsense ends. It is my summer vacation, and I am not going to waste it laying in bed feeling like poo.

Now if you will excuse me, I need to go take one million supplements.

!!!

2009-04-15T17:52:00.002-04:00

I made a t-shirt design to submit to threadless.com, and it was accepted! Now I have seven days to get it scored high so it can be printed and I will be so happy! If you care to go score it, you can follow this link

and make me smile :)

This post is dedicated to Alyssa

2009-04-12T18:23:00.004-04:00

Because she checks way more often than I update :)

Let me just begin by saying I am really, really excited school is going to be done with soon. Like, super excited. Like, I may or may not be keeping a countdown in my sketchbook.
I wish I could tell you that I am going off to an amazing internship this summer, but it's looking like that is not going to be the case. Not for lack of trying–I contacted about 40-50 design firms for a summer position–but not a lot of people are hiring. I've spoken to one of my professors, and she was really encouraging. She said it looked like I was doing all the right things, but it was just unfortunate timing, and I am okay with that. As much as I wish I could find something, I already do have a fair amount of experience, so it's not like I will be graduating with no internship at all, and (wow, I just got really sad about that for a second) it does look like I can get a summer job lifeguarding and maybe working at a coffee shop. An entire summer where I don't have to worry about design stuff and I can just relax and have fun sounds really nice. There are lots of books about graphic design I've wanted to read, and different projects I've wanted to work on (learning how to screen print, letter pressing more things, etc etc) and especially now that I will have more disposable income, it's looking like things could be pretty good.
I've been feeling burnt out lately, on school and drama and I want to embrace this one last summer where I can focus on enjoying life, and being irresponsible (to a degree). I still have goals and things I want to accomplish, but it's been a hard semester. An extended vacation sounds really nice.
Speaking of hard semesters, Chris is moving away next week. He's going to be 20 hours away, and let me tell you, I am really not happy about that. I want to try to spin this into a positive thing too (I love new beginnings! It is so fitting that he's leaving just as summer is beginning and everything is going to be a fresh new start BLAH FREAKING BLAH) but the fact is it really sucks when you and your boyfriend are breaking up ONLY because of the 1,371 miles that are soon going to be between you, and not because you don't want to be together any more. Ugh. I hate that he's going to be so far away. That being said, I am so so excited for him, because he did get an amazing internship, and recently win an amazing award, and I know he is going to go on to have an extremely successful career, and I only want the best for him.

Sometimes I wish it was May 2nd so all the unpleasant things in my life would be over for a while and I could focus on my new beginning. But at the same time I don't want this part to end.

One thing is for sure, I have a whole list of stuff I want to get done this summer, especially decorating stuff for my apartment, and I am going to definitely blog a lot more in the coming months.

I wish..

2009-03-22T19:06:00.002-04:00

I was more passionate about sports. I'm feeling a little left out of the whole March Madness deal.

That I was good at dancing. I mean, I love to do it, but it is not anything to write home about. (That could change, I'm taking a tap dancing class next year. I am so sure I'll have lots of rhythm after that. And the ability to make people laugh on command.)

That I could speak another language (Hey Maggie, can I borrow your Rosetta Stone? You'd be making wishes come true! :D )

That I didn't drop things all the time.

That every time I walked up the stairs to studio I wasn't out of breath. (Seriously, what is up with that? I take step aerobics, I walk a fair amount, I'm pretty good about what I eat.. I should be able to walk up four flights of stairs!)

That my handwriting was neater.

That is all.

3-12-09

2009-03-12T22:32:00.001-04:00

3-12-09, originally uploaded by i am whimsical.

My best friend/cousin Elizabeth has come to visit me for the weekend! I am so excited, it's not even funny.

3-11-09

2009-03-11T23:44:00.001-04:00

3-11-09, originally uploaded by i am whimsical.

This was Moxy's first bedroom shoot. She was a little nervous at first, but when I played her favorite band (Does It Offend You, Yeah?) and told her how pretty she looked, she warmed up pretty quickly. This is her 'seductive' face. I tried to tell her to tone down the bug eyes, but she thinks it's better for attracting others of her kind. Maybe it is, what do I know.

3-9-09

2009-03-11T23:42:00.001-04:00

3-9-09, originally uploaded by i am whimsical.

Harmen Liemburg has an exhibit at our school, and earlier this week my studio got to be the ones who set it up! We were given a large crate containing everything we needed for the exhibition, including a light table and two 'picnik tables'. There are at least 40 posters, as well as a lot of smaller work, and it's all AMAZING. This is just the result of ten years of his work. I really hope that ten years from now, I will have some things that are remotely this awesome. It's both inspiring and terrifying.

What's this?

2009-03-11T15:23:00.001-04:00

Oh, just a form typeface I designed.

3-7-09

2009-03-10T13:01:00.001-04:00

3-7-09, originally uploaded by i am whimsical.

I went to the beach this weekend. I actively resisted coming back.

School has gotten to the point now where everything is slamming into you at once. March is the month where you figure out your classes for next year, you solidify your housing situation, you attempt to find some form of employment for the summer, you basically plan out the next year as well as you can. Because of that it's terrifying.

I've made these mailers that I'm going to show you pretty soon, and I really hope that they will result in some sort of job for me. I know it's a tough time, etc etc etc, but I think I will go crazy without being gainfully employed. The summer after freshman year I had a full time internship, and I loved it. I realized that I am the freak who would rather work forty hours a week and really appreciate weekends and evenings, rather than wake up late and do nothing all day.

Anyway, it was my spring break last week, and after a snowy Monday and a week full of working ahead on homework and doing job stuff, Chris and I decided to head to the beach for a couple of days. It was pretty cold, but my love for the ocean was enough to keep me warm. It's hard for me to feel stressed out, or even remember my obligations when I'm sitting by a large body of water, and I am feeling sand in my toes.

3-5-09

2009-03-05T16:47:00.001-05:00

3-5-09, originally uploaded by i am whimsical.

my mom gave me these flowers for valentine's day, and they've lasted really well since then. I love flowers of any kind, and it makes me smile to see these. The color comes out on flickr different from on my computer, so imagine this a little more peachy.

3/4/09

2009-03-04T12:06:00.001-05:00

3/4/09, originally uploaded by i am whimsical.

I got these boots on sale just a couple of days ago. I haven't had the opportunity to actually wear them yet, but I'm really excited about them. This is because they are striped, they are a fun spring color (spring is coming... I just need to keep repeating that) and they're shiny.

Speaking of spring, I am on my SPRING BREAK, and there is snow on the ground! As much as I love snow, I don't love it in fricking March, especially when it's old, ugly snow.

I was really pleased that this photo was in focus.

3:3:09

2009-03-03T22:12:00.001-05:00

3:3:09, originally uploaded by i am whimsical.

I wanted to have a really great photo to start my 365 project with, I really did. But I decided to use this one instead because I thought it was symbolic on several levels.
First of all, it is the literally the best photo I took in this stupid self-portrait session that I had to kick off my 365. I wanted to do this because I wanted to be better at photography, and OBVIOUSLY I'm not actually really great at it and just deluding myself, so that's good.
I've been thinking a lot lately, and when I'm thinking seriously the world goes fuzzy around the edges, and I would imagine that if you could tell when I was thinking hard about something I would go fuzzy around the edges. So this is symbolic. (If I keep saying that it might seem intentional, right?)
I like the way my hair looks from this angle.
Here's hoping that tomorrow my picture can at least be in focus.

Things I Have To Do

2009-02-27T13:47:00.002-05:00

TODAY:
+ finish sending out mailers
+ get dressed
+ run my errands
+ finish laundry
+ work out
+ make sure the house is cleaned in time for my parents to get home and not freak out
+ eat a delicious dinner that chris makes ( I'm really excited :) )

THIS WEEK:
+ enjoy my SPRING BREAK!!
+ go to IKEA
+ clean my apartment
+ start the 365 photo project
+ do some studio stuff
+ plan more things to write in my blog.

doop doop

2009-02-16T11:29:00.002-05:00

Some Thoughts I have had lately:

I designed a super awesome mailer that I am now letterpressing. I really, really like letterpressing. And I am really excited about this mailer.

Valentine's Day was super nice. I have always like Valentine's Day because there are a lot of people I love, and I think having a day to celebrate the love in your life is a nice thought. Also, I finished my biology homework for the week and then Chris made me a fancy dinner and it was delicious, AND I received some peanut butter cups. What is not to love about that?

I have been tumblogging a lot lately. You can see it over there –> if you haven't checked it out already HINT HINT

I had my parents and my brother over for dinner on Friday. It was the first time they'd come over and I'd actually made stuff, instead of 'hey we will come over and then buy you a pizza'. It was fun, especially the part where I got home an hour before they were scheduled to arrive and ran around the house cleaning things, chopping beef and washing lettuce.

I've been trying to sell some things on craigslist for a while now, and this lady keeps emailing me and setting up a time to meet, and then canceling and rescheduling.

I don't have a lot more to say today.

25 random things

2009-02-10T12:39:00.003-05:00

About me
I am actually supposed to do this on Facebook, but I'd rather do it here..

1. Whenever I'm walking somewhere and I have music playing in my headphones, I pretend I'm in a movie walking somewhere and music is playing in the movie.

2. The closest I've come to winning something was a piano contest when I was in high school. I got a perfect score on the piece I had played, but my teacher had checked the wrong box on my submission sheet so I was disqualified. I did get an apology gift card to Borders, though.

3. I am naturally drawn to very bright colors.

4. I really like going to the gym. Maybe because my gym is the 'judgment free zone' and that never fails to bring me delight.

5. I was the best babysitter in the neighborhood in high school. Man, I was so rich. As soon as I left for college, though, people stopped calling me.

6. I get really upset when people misuse 'it's/its, to/too they're/their/there your/you're'

7. I also get really upset when people do terrible things to typography, like having cramped leading or use crazy typefaces such as curlz, comic sans, jokerman, etc.

8. I sing in the car non-stop. But I only do this when I'm alone, or with Daniel. Nobody else has been treated to a concert.

9. I really love waking up randomly at 6, panicked that I am going to miss class, and realize I don't have to actually get up until 9.

10. I need glasses to be allowed to drive, but I rarely wear them otherwise (unless I need to see a whiteboard in class) Because of this I usually am staring people down on the street until I realize they are not, in fact, my friends.

11. I have never been on a roller coaster. The closest I got was one of those roller coaster simulator thingies in the mall. The straps in my seatbelt were loose though, so I spent the whole thing trying not to slide around.

12. I am terrified of squirrels.

13. Every time I have to share a 'fun fact' about myself, I draw a total blank because I don't think I have a lot of fun facts about myself.

14. I fell out of a tree once.

15. I've never broken any bones, knock on wood.

16. After I graduated high school, I spent the summer babysitting two four-month-olds. I also spent a significant portion of time in high school babysitting twins, so I think I'm pretty prepared for anything.

17. Speaking of twins, I've been thrown up on. It was a horrific experience.

18. I've never had stitches.

19. One of my favorite memories is when my cousins, the ones who belonged to a family of 12, came over for the day. There were at least 5 or 6 of them there, and when our parents left for a walk we played hide and seek all over the house. I didn't tell my parents about it ever because I know they would have been really mad.

20. When I was little, whenever I did something bad I decided I would tell my mom about it four or five years in the future, when she wouldn't be able to get mad at me any more.

21. I wrote a book when I was 9. It was a very bad book.

22. I'm having trouble coming up with 25 random things about myself.

23. I love music, but when I work I like to have the tv on.

24. I notice people's hair and upper arms first.

25. I can't make creme brulee to save my life.

sidebar thingie

2009-01-31T16:52:00.001-05:00

Okay, so I added something to the sidebar called 'my tumblr'. A tumblr is another type of blog, and I'm using it as a way to index all of the cool links/pictures/video I come across on the internet, the way I use this blog to write things about my life. I wanted to integrate them somehow, and that's what I've come up with for now. The address for my tumblr is iamwhimsical.tumblr.com, if you want to see it full size.

In unrelated news, I cannot focus to save my life.

Hello there!

2009-01-30T13:35:00.002-05:00

I haven't posted in a while, and as much as I'd like to be all, oh I was really busy I ... wasn't, really. So! Moving on!

My classes are all going well. I just completed my first full week of classes, and despite a minor hiccup where I spent a good portion of Tuesday thinking that it was Thursday, it was a success. I am taking an aerobics class that meets at EIGHT IN THE MORNING two days a week, and this was the first week that we actually met. I was very concerned–would I wake up in time? Would I fall off the step thingie in a sleepy haze? Would I be able to keep up? But it went well, and on the second day she even busted out the free weights.

I am also taking a Shakespeare class which I am enjoying way too much. We just finished reading The Merchant of Venice and started Much Ado About Nothing I love the way the two heroines in those plays, Portia and Beatrice, who are both supposed to be very witty and smart, speak, and I'm really enjoying all the plays on words that Shakespeare uses. It's made me want to be better about speaking AND reading, which is why I went to the library yesterday. I haven't been reading a ton lately, mostly because I feel a lot of pressure to read 'smart' books, and if I'm being all discerning like that, I usually miss out on truly entertaining books in favor of more pretentious things that I don't really enjoy at all. For example, I just read two of the Twilight books, and even though they are poorly written and clumsily executed, I really enjoyed the story, and I stopped caring about the judgement I would receive from reading them. I'm sad to say I am kind of addicted to the whole Twilight phenomenon now, except I don't think I will see the movies, and I don't especially want anyone to bite my neck so... I guess I'm doing well in that department. I figure if I stop caring about looking smart I'll come across a lot more books that I truly enjoy and ARE smart! So any suggestions are welcome, as usual.

I also had $67 in fines at the library. And the librarian told me that I could not check out any more books until I had cleared them, which would cost $10. I felt very guilty about that, but considering that I live NEXT DOOR to the library, I need to be more diligent about returning them. Other people like to read too!

A quick post

2009-01-14T23:44:00.002-05:00

Just to show that I still know how to do this..

It was Danny's birthday on Tuesday. He turned 15(15!!! what the heck) We had lunch, and then I went home after class. His big gift this year was a guitar hero set, the full thing with the drums and the microphone and the guitar and everything. I gotta say, I was really excited about this present. I had talked my dad into getting it for him, and he was a little hesitant, thinking that Daniel might not find it very appealing, but I knew that he would love it. Just like I love it. I really think I was born to be a drummer. That's how much I love drumming on Guitar Hero.

Anyway, we got it set up and everything, and then Daniel and my dad and I played for a while. Then Dan wanted to go hang out with his friends, so I continued to drum, my dad played the guitar, and my mom SANG. She SANG. Into a FAKE MICROPHONE. I don't think I've ever bee prouder.

In other news, I have been reading the Merchant of Venice, which is a really interesting play. By Shakespeare. It takes me a little while to get into reading Shakespeare, but I usually can get the hang of it after a while.. I've also been reading Twilight, for the first time. The writing SUCKS, but the story is fun and I feel like it's my duty as a pop-culture addict to read it. Even though every time Bella narrates (ie all the time) I want to punch her in her smarmy little face. Shut up. Nobody thinks you're THAT amazing, I swear. Seriously.

Alter Ego

2009-01-10T14:59:00.002-05:00

For our first project in studio we have to design our 'designer alter egos'. Basically I have to make a persona and then design something as that persona, and it will either put me deeply out of my comfort zone, or exaggerate my good qualities.

I chose to throw myself out of my comfort zone for the most part, having my alter ego abhor the color white (I love white space! It's so freeing!) love big heavy text (I'm scared of typography half the time, so I make smaller, delicate, minimalist type) like being really disorganized (okay this is an exaggeration of a bad quality of mine), but always start throwing stuff at the canvas the first day of a project (the opposite of me)

This is the most fun I've had on a project since my 'from here to there' project!

SERIOUSLY I AM SO EXCITED YOU GUYS.

Images I loved today

2009-01-08T21:33:00.009-05:00

It's been really strange having so much free time, and even though I'm trying to be as productive as possible, that's also involved a lot of brainstorming and looking at cool things. So here are some of the things I have been looking at:

shoes that I really really want in a size 9!

I WANT

GERMANS!

romance

why I love polaroid

HAHA

First Day of Class

2009-01-07T16:12:00.002-05:00

It is rainy. I believe that is a sign.

Has anyone noticed that I am really unenthusiastic about classes starting? Because I really, really am. I was just enjoying my break far too much to want to go back to any sort of routine. Also, the whole thinking I had to go back five days later than I actually did really messed up my plan. Like, the five days I thought I had were the five days where I got to go to movies, not worry about making presents or leaving town, and hang out.

But whatever. I'm over it now!

I had a step aerobics class and studio today. Step aerobics will be interesting, since my instructor seems energetic to the point of crazy, and it's a very early morning class and um, I am not so good with the mornings. But hopefully it will just be like I roll out of bed and go to class and then I wake up and have coffee when it's over, so I won't even really remember it...

I'm really excited about studio. It's my same teacher from last semester, Silas, but it's a completely different focus. We're focusing on forms and form making, and if I do say so myself, that's my strong point. We are also making up a lot situations, and stories and explanations about our designs. Something else I really enjoy! We were also put in groups of four for the entire semester, and there isn't anyone in my group that I hate, so I'm counting that as a bonus, AND I got a window seat.

So yeah, I'm pretty psyched. Next up: Shakespeare and graphic design theory. Ohh yeahh.

Resolving Things

2009-01-06T15:09:00.000-05:00

You probably know this about me, but I love making New Year's Resolutions. Yes. They must be capitalized randomly like that.

I like that there is a time every year when I can stop and verbalize what exactly I would like to improve in my life. There are some that I've been making for years, but I am not discouraged because a) I have been working on them for years and b) sometimes things that are worth doing take more than a year to complete.

Resolutions for 2009:

1. Be better about washing my face There is a difference between rubbing some soap on your face in the shower and actually washing it with a face wash and applying moisturizer. I also think that if I start taking small bits of time for myself that I will feel less stressed and happier.

2. Take my vitamins I've been working on this for TWO YEARS NOW. I need to just do it.

3. Exercise three times a week Weirdly enough, I really love going to the gym. I had a month-long membership at my parent's gym over the break, and it was just so much fun to run around from machine to machine and feel like I'd completed an obstacle course when I was all done. Now that I'm taking a PE aerobics course twice a week, I don't think it's that much of a stretch to try to fit in one more visit each week.

4. Take an hour before I go to sleep to not worry about stuff/do schoolwork I feel like I always work and work and work and then I fall into bed with my mind racing and wake up not very rested. I think if I can plan well enough so that I actually have some time each evening to unwind then it will be easier for me to start my day running.

5. Get organized My studio teacher last year told me that my biggest downfall was my disorganization. So I am going to fix that. I think if I finish my projects a week before they are due, that will give me time to revise them and make them perfect. I'm always finishing stuff and then going 'aah, I wish I had fixed this/solved that/had more time to make it better.

6. Keep holding on to this way of thinking.

7. Keep a positive outlook There are so many things to be happy about! So what if my break is already over, at least it was a good one! So what if I have a stupid project that I can't seem to finish, it will just make it all the better when I do actually reach the finish line!

My Year In Review

2008-12-29T23:22:00.003-05:00

I am having a hard time believing that it is already New Year's time once again. (I am also having a hard time believing that I go back to school a full FIVE DAYS before I thought I had to go back. I really am going to miss those five days of freedom :( )

I read all of my blog posts from last year (not that there were that many) and my hopes for 2008 were for a less unsettled year. To which I say HA HA HAAAA. If only you knew, Alison of last year. If only you knew. It freaks me out to think that this time next year I'll know exactly what this year held for me, and right now I think it's a big blank slate.

Last year was a year of ups and downs for me, and I think there were probably more downs than ups. I've been really thankful for this break to think about everything that happened at a distance, and get some perspective.

Spring was nice in 2008. I went to Charleston, hung out with Chris a lot, felt successful in studio, and learned that Elizabeth was moving closer for the summer. But I also had a spectacularly unsuccessful job search and learned that two of the people I was closest to were moving far away for the summer.
The beginning of the summer was really depressing, actually. Chris was gone, I was babysitting instead of working at a design job, and I didn't talk to any of my friends, because they were all leaving for adventures. Looking back, I did love the chance to bond with my baby cousin, and it was nice to be home again, but I felt like I wasn't doing anything that exciting, and it was really a confidence-crusher to try so many different places for an internship and get nothing in return. But I did end up getting a job, where the people were nice and I was doing something interesting.

I also had a huge apartment search at the beginning of the summer, which was incredibly stressful and time consuming, as I was not only responsible for finding myself a place to live, but also for my roommate. I had a lot of requirements, and it was so disappointing to keep being hopeful only to find that the place I was looking at was actually disgusting. (seriously. Dried vomit on the kitchen floor. Need I say more?) But I ended up with an apartment that I am so in love with, so that was all worthwhile for me. If I can come home every day to a place that makes me smile, that was well worth the tears and sleepless nights and thoughts of impending homelessness.

The second half of the summer was really great, what with seeing Elizabeth every other weekend for over a month, and getting my apartment all ready to go, making some money, and hanging out at the pool a whole lot. We ended the summer with a big vacation to Cape Cod, and I got to see Chris for the first time in 90 days (not that I was counting) and that was, of course, awesome.

This fall I've been busy with school, and going to Ohio just about every other weekend. Two of my cousins got married, and since I love weddings I really enjoyed that, and I got to see my family a lot. I felt isolated a lot of the time that I was at school, but my studio teacher was awesome this year, and I think I learned a lot as well. I have never been happier to see Christmas break though, let me tell you, and I am really sad that it is over now. Christmas was really good this year, and it was super fun to go to Ohio for new year's, and party with my cousins and aunts and uncles.

I'm going to write my New Year's Resolutions pretty soon, but I think I first need to work on this website that I am almossst finished with and I keep procrastinating on.
I hope for next year I can be more open on my blog about what's going on in my life, and keep posting more frequently.

How were your 2008s?

an epiphany

2008-12-24T03:46:00.002-05:00

(I am going to confess that a little bit of this was caused by my late night viewing of the Hills finale.)

(If you don't know what the Hills is, it's really probably for the best.)

I feel like I've spent a lot of the past year thinking a lot about relationships. Not just my relationship with Chris (although when your boyfriend leaves for the entire summer, leaving you with nothing but a lucky bamboo plant and the receipt for a blender you bought out of sadness before realizing you don't need a blender so you had to take it back, it tends to make you think about the state of your relationship a lot more often than you normally would) but the relationships I've formed with the people in my very small community, and the friends I've made.

It hasn't been easy. What I thought was a really good thing ended quite abruptly, leaving me with a lot of unanswered questions, a LOT of bitterness, and even more caution. But like I said, I am in a really small community, and it wasn't hard to find my footing again.

Chris says I like to put labels on things, and I say that even though I have high expectations of my friends, I also have a hard time seeing the not-so-good in the people I love, and when they show it to me, I can take it personally, even when it might not be necessarily directed at me. So this year has been rough, in the way that I've felt left down, left out, left behind..
But I've also learned so much about people in general and gained a lot of confidence when it comes to approaching people I don't know so well.
So this is going to be my year of not giving it a second thought. I am going to continue with the wonderful friendships I do have, and I'm going to be open and friendly to the new people I meet, and try not to be so focused on how I am so awkward and I touch my hair a lot when I'm nervous. If it doesn't work out, no big deal!

I am also going to not hold grudges any more, (or try to, I'm really good at holding grudges), and see my relationships as what they are, not what I want them to be (or what I am afraid they are), and not hold people to impossibly high expectations. I also am going to be more direct.

I have high hopes for 2009 :)

oh hi

2008-12-22T13:11:00.002-05:00

This season I've felt like I've just been stressing out about random or unnecessary things in my life.
Which is super lame, because it's really interfering with my holiday spirit abilities. So instead I am going to focus on all the things that are making me happy, or I am thankful for.

That I finally have everyone's gift ideas figured out. I really wanted to make almost everything this year, and I think I achieved that goal.

That my ipod speaker is working. I brought it home because I thought it wasn't working, and my dad just touched it and it worked perfectly. That was super exciting.

That my mom and I can make cookies as often as we want, and it's not stressful, and it ends in deliciousness.

That I figured out the website woes.

That the weather is finally acting like it's winter times.

That I got to see The Nutcracker again last night, for the 18th(or 19th?) time. I've gone every year since I was two, and it's always really special.

That my family celebrates Hannukah AND Christmas! This means we have lots of fun celebratory events and traditions, that we get the delicious traditional Hannukah meal, and the beautiful menorahs, and we also get the fun of Christmas decorations, trimming the tree, and opening all of our presents on Christmas morning.

That my mom still puts our presents out after we've 'gone to bed', and hasn't made me help her yet, thereby ruining the magic. She rolls her eyes at me, but she does it, and that's what's important.

That I have almost two weeks after New Year's before school starts back up.

HAI GUYS IT'S BREAK TIMES

2008-12-11T13:44:00.003-05:00

AND I AM SUPER SUPER SUPER EXCITED ABOUT ALL THE NOT-CLASS-TIMES GOING ON RIGHT NOW!!!!!!

Of course, with any stretch of free time I have, I like to make lots of plans about things I would like to accomplish over my beautiful, beautiful break. It's hard for me to keep my eye on the ball right now since I'm still very busy being really happy I have no more homework, but maybe if I make a list I will be able to accomplish it.

THINGS I WANT TO DO:

get a shirt printed on Threadless.com. Right now I am working on making the design good enough to be accepted, and you can go look at it and give me comments here

redesign my website

finish my website for my neighbor. He has been very patient and it won't take me that much longer.

get some gigs playing piano at parties (I really, really need some money..)

bake cookies

work out some more. I was on a roll with my weights for a while

Sell my extra furniture on Craigslist

Make a portfolio mailer

Do all the fun things that I have been planning for months now

Let's not talk about this week.

2008-12-01T11:30:00.002-05:00

Let's talk about....

I don't know. You talk!

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday!

2008-11-26T10:41:00.002-05:00

, originally uploaded by i am whimsical.

And it's here again already! I am so excited for:

a) the food
b) hanging out with my family
c) being at home for the weekend
d) going to the football game maybe with my brother
e) did i mention how great the food is?
f) because it's really spectacular.

I hope everyone reading this also has a wonderful Thanksgiving.

this is sort of how i feel right now

2008-11-25T13:33:00.000-05:00

This morning there was slush on the car

2008-11-21T10:14:00.002-05:00

This week has been crazy.
Monday I wasn't in class,
Tuesday was type + studio critique,
Wednesday was imaging + tennis test + 5 hours of producing stuff in studio + design lecture + Chris's friend's roast,
Thursday was type + studio + finishing one of my projects (FINALLY) + pretend Thanksgiving dinner + watching Weeds with Chris (side note: You should probably watch Weeds. It's really funny, and kind of depressing at the same time, the way I would imagine watching a David Sedaris book would be, except with more cursing and drugs) Today is working + housewarming party for neighbor + other housewarming party for friend + maybe folding my laundry.

I am really looking forward to winter break. My plans include baking cookies, decorating the tree with my family, doing some freelance work, revamping my portfolio website, cleaning my apartment so hard it won't be able to not be clean for a while, organizing my computer again, making presents for everyone who gets a present from me (I'm not buying any more stuff for people, I am making things by hand that they will APPRECIATE, dammit), sleeping, and wishing for snow. I am super excited. I just have to get through everything else first.